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Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Mimpi Jadi Kenyataan?

Bismillah..

Lama sungguh tak menulis, as I'm just too busy dealing with classes and bunch of tests in three consecutive weeks. orang lain dok sebok bersosial, bergembira, berjimba.. but aku? tersangkut dengan segala tests! it's okay, cause it really challenges my skills. hahaha and now, got no mood at all to study.. dah rabu, yet i didn't get any inputs yet and final will be starting next week.. or i should change my method of studying? i'm running out of time tho.. ermmm and this is not the thing that i want to talk about.. 

well ptg tadi, aku tido.. tido yg sangat lama. and it comes to a big whole of journey of mimpi.. haha over! entahlah, lately ni asyik mimpi kene kahwin je.. why? i think, i'm not ready to get married, but i'm so in love with babies and kids. sebab anak buah semua aku yang jaga, merasa jadi mummy walaupun belum masanya. last time, there's one guy fell in love with me because he saw me treating my nieces. dia cakap, i'm her type! haha nonsense..

okay back to the point. dalam mimpi aku ni..

i met one guy. i didn't know him, and he's from a rich family. i treated him like no one, but it went serious when he loves me. hahahah macam drama siottt :3 and, i do like him. and we both fall in love. his parents also nice and treat me like their daughter. i helped that guy doing charity works where we sell novels and things during our free time. aku pon banyak terpengaruh dengan novel, so i love to sell the books! we did it. but at that time, i didn't know that he has abang. after awhile, i met his abang. and i do treat him like ABANG! my brother-in-law laaa.. his abang ni duda, got sorang anak perempuan yg super duper cute. as i mentioned, i'm crazy about cute babies and kids. 

yang aku tkpaham, anak abg tu sangat baik dengan aku. behaving good whenever around me. tu yg aku suka, aku tak suka budak yg nakal. hahahah even in reality pun, i'm not ready to get married but i'm sooooo ready to have a baby. so anak org pon aku treat mcm anak sendiri. kikiki dalam mimpi aku tu, abang my boyfriend to treat me like hell.. like aku tk wujud.. it's okay cause aku bukan nak dia! aku nak adik dia.. hahahaahah so, juts go with it, and i don't give a damn la. hahahah and here it comes, dia (abang tu) nak jumpa my whole family. he invited my family to have big dinner together. we went to restoran tepi laut and melantak seafood. hahaha orang belanja, apa lagi..

and during makan-II tu, berbual-II la.. aku pelik sebenarnya pasaipa dia ajak jumpa family aku ngan family dia.. boyfriend aku pon ade. and macam biasa, anak abang tu berkepit dengan aku jelah. hahahahah and abang tu started to say a word. he said to my mum and dad. 'makcik, pakcik.. saya nak kawen dengan anak makcik'.. and i was likeee............ :3 tersedak lar! yang aku tahu, dia kenal aku sorang dlm adik-beradik. yes, dia maksudkan aku.. i was like, what??? dahlah layan aku macam ape, dia tu garang! taknak aku.. 

and the discussion ongoing, at last dapat kata sepakat. i have to marry that guy. ABANG nya bukan ADIK! and that adik izinkan aku kawen dengan abangnya.. bersebab. bila aku sendiri jumpa that abang, he explained to me why.. he knows that i will be a good mother to his baby.. ibu baby dah tkde.. and she should be replaced, as the baby grows up kan. and that abang won't live longer :( he got chronic disease which he may end up living for a short time. he said, i shouldn't be worried because i just need to be a good mother. once he died, i can marry his adik. hahahah gilossss

and that abang pon kaya, workaholic. kesenangan untuk ditinggalkan pada baby.. huhu and at last.. i marry him... 

tu diaaa ceghita mengarutnya kahkahkah








Saturday, October 25, 2014

Kita Diamkan Je :)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..
Assalammualaikum wbt..

People changed. Everything changed. Even if u claimed, that u will never change. But one fine day, u will.. hahaha mulalah tu nk mengarut.. well, I'm all alone now. Staying alone in a room, in a house, in a wing and in a block I guess.. bahaha perasan sgt letuw~ and now, tinggal sehari je nak habiskan midsem break. I was doing nothing this holiday.. okay laa, jumaat until selase I was having a camp for juniors, being a facilitator kau~ hebat tk? and what did I get from the camp? yehaaa, muka yg hitam legam! well said, aku pon tk sanggop nak pandang diri sendiri dekat cermin.. kahkahkah and there's only one thing that I can say abt the camp, HAVOC!!! tersangat best sebenarnya.. eventho at first, feeling sooooo stress~ tk cukup tidur, penat, lapar.. sesemua laa~ but at the end of the day, dapat mcm-II lessons (cehhhh)

ok, tuka topik plak.. sekarang, aku punya life dah lain.. sebab ape? sebab roommate aku dah buakn kawan aku.. yet she said, imma good friend.. she loved to be friend with me once.. ONCE~ but now, everything changed. bila? when she started to ignore me, treated me like i was nothing.. like i have no pride, lose of respect! sorry to say.. aku tersangat terkilan, terhina and sedih.. yups, salah kecik yg aku buat yet she treated me like a piece of shit. memang, pakaian tk menggambarkan hati seseorang..biarlah aku yg dipandang keji oleh golongan alim ulamak sekalipun, tapi ibu ayah tk ajar aku tk hormat perasaan org lain~ jangankan hubungan dengan Allah je elok, tp dengan manusia? sorry to say, i won't forget what she did. terhina! its okay my dear, i'll show u what i have.. u asked for it.. we'll see how we will survive this three more years..

again, orang yg sama. buat aku rasaa down.. again, pasal MPIV.. aku tahu, aku memang TAK LAYAK nak ikut korang buat program agama, buat program ilmu, sebab apa? sebab aku tk mcm korang.. kan? dari first year aku dilayan macam smpah.. depan-II kau buat aku macam sampah! teruk sangat ke aku? yes, people won't understand for what the shit i'm talking about.. its about HER who treated perempuan yg tak pandai ilmu agama mcm aku, as piece of crap! kekadang aku terfikir, kenapa ada manusia yg macam ni? sebab apa? mungkin sebab da sure masuk syurga or something? sokey, aku tk salahkan kau~ mungkin salah aku sebab tk reti ilmu agama macam KAU! 




Something To Remember..

Bismillah..
Assalammualaikum.. 

Hehe, see what this girl is trying to do? She changed her mind from doing her practical report, and now~ updating new entry.. nice one Farah.. hahaha its okay la i guess.. cuti still got one more month, so aku rasa sempat sgt nak siapkan dua report yg tak seberapa panjang tu.. hahahah time macam ni, siapa je yang ade mood nak buat report? hahah its time to melaghakan diri.. bahaha :P bukan apa, sebenarnya aku terasa satu beban.. beban atas bahu, atas kepala.. semua la~ terasa sangat-II berat and i just cant take it anymore.. maybe its time to make things clear! clear to each one who decided to interfere with my life..

yes, who knows.. dulu, i was nothing.. no one could see me as the way i am.. no one because im just the ordinary girl.. takde apa yg dapat dibanggakan.. but now it may look different.. and its not the main point here.. its all about my life, my heart.. i hv said million times, i will only love him.. and i just cant stop loving him.. no matter what happen, yes i cant see other people.. im blinded by his love.. 

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Sebab Aku Jeles~

Bismillah..

Assalammualaikum wbt.. harini, aku nak buats atu confession. Well it isn’t really a confession, its more likely as luahan hati.. yes.. pasal JPA.. obviously.. and honestly, aku kecewa bila tk dapat biasiswa JPA.. yang org kejar-II kan yang org agung-IIkan.. jangan tipu diri sendiri, semua org nak dapat biasiswa.. kau kaya tinggi langit pon kau apply.. I have some friends who got JPA tapi dah kaya dah sebenarnya..

Ye memang aku jeles. Salah ke kalau aku nak jeles? Sebab apa aku jeles? Banyak sebabnya.. tak siapa yg akan tahu.. and currently im having PTPTN.. thanks god, ade PTPTN.. walaupun ramai yg cakap PTPTN ni tipu, makan duit org, lintah darat and blab la bla.. I don’t care at all.. why? Because PTPTN lah yg bantu aku sambung belajar sampai peringkat ni.. you want  a free education fee? Go to hell.. sudah terang lagi bersuluh, ni Negara membangun.. tak perlu compare with any other Negara maju..

Plus, with PTPTN also I don’t need to ask money from my parent. History and background of my family.. ayah aku, pemegang kad OKU.. kudung sebelah kaki.. kau rase dia mampu nak sara keluarga aku yg besar? Yes my two sisters dah bekerja.. tapi tanyalah dorang keje ape? Bukan engineer, bukan doctor, bukan lawyer.. aku faham situasi mereka.. dah bekeluarga.. takkan masih nak tanggung aku sekeluarga? Anak perempuan, dah bekeluarga sendiri. Mampu ke nak tanggung dua keluarga besar sekaligus?

Ibu, sekarang dah bekerja. Tanyalay kerja apa? Pembantu kemas.. tanyalah pulak gaji berapa.. 600RM sebulan. Kau rasa dapat buat apa je? Kesian ibu, selama ni terpaksa tahan perasaan nak memiliki apa-II.. anak membesar, ramai.. 6 orang semuanya.. memang takde kesempatan nak fikir diri sendiri.. its all about anak and anak.. bila semua dah besar, dugaan anak-II nak belajar pulak.. ayah jatuh sakit lagi.. that’s why ibu is working herself now..

Balik pada sebab apa aku jeles? Sebab aku budak pinjaman. Makan kene sekat, kalau tak aku tkkan survive sampai hujung sem.. nak keluar kene tahan.. that’s good. But compare to those JPA’s holder.. duit bukan buat belajar sangat pon.. pergi berjalan, melancong, makan, lepak, membazir.. sorry to say.. I saw that myself.. aku perlu jeles. Nak buat praktikal pon kene fikir sepuluh kali, tempat mana. Duit berapa. Aku hina.

Kena aku jeles? Dah lebih tiga aku mohon JPA. CGPA aku bukan tk lepas. Mungkin ada yg lebih cemerlang. I take it as a reason. But. Yang dah dapat tu, sorry to say. Kau maintain tk pointer kau? Patotnya kau perform better than I do. But? Ask yourself. Aku takdelah hebat mana, tahap ayam-II je. Sesuai la sebab aku budak pinjaman. Kau? Setiap sem dapat 6 7 ribu, kau buat ape? Beli handphone baru tiap kali model baru keluar? Tapi pointer? Kelaut jugak~ sorry to say. Sebab ape? Sebab aku jeles.

Lagi. JPA dah bagi syarat. Kalau kau dah ada tajaan, kau tak layak. TIPU! Its one of the bullshit thing I have ever heard. Why? Sebab mereka selalu menipu! Tak percaya? Orang yang aku kenal, sangat rapat! Dia dah ade biasiswa, tapi tk cukup. Tk bsersyukur mungkin. Apply JPA, dan dapat! Mungkin rezeki dia. Tapi, kenapa? Tak cukup dengan  rezeki terdahulu? Sebab apa aku kesah? Sebab aku jeles. Semua dah aku buat. Rayuan. Lecturer pon bagi surat sokongan. Bil-II perubatan ayah. Dan segalanya. Kenapa? Sebab aku tak boleh jadi bagus?


Bersyukurlah kepada sesiapa yang terasa~ Allah dah bagi peluang, rezeki. Tak semua dapat macam kau, aku contohnya. Sakit rasanya, tiap kali dikecewakan. Tak sanggup. Sehinggakan pointer yang aku maintain tiap sem jatuh. Sebab apa? Sebab kau. 

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Jari Terasa Ringan Nak Menaip! :)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..
Assalammualaikum wbt..

lama betul tk update entry, hahaha.. well, i'm so busy laa this lately *mengalahkan Kak Rosmah* bahaha :D anyway, i'm on my longggggg holiday, seriously too long.. three months of semester break and i have nothing to do.. duduk rumah.. last week, habis practical.. if i'm not mistaken laa.. bila cuti ni, jam pukul berapa, hari ape, tarikh ape semua aku taktau.. just terperuk dalam rumah, habiskan masa baca novel on the day sampai la ke buka.. kalau anak ibu ni rajin ikutlah ibunye ke terawih.. kalau tk, marathon drama kegemaran la~ 

now, its time to think about benda yang remeh-temeh.. and guess what? i hv started to think abt those crapy things.. and itu adalah salah satu perlakuan untuk mendapat headache percuma.. yeah!! -_- serious aku pening, and sangat runsing.. kekadang aku rase, cerita aku ni lagi menarik drpd jalan cerita sebuah novel, hahaha.. perasan sangat jemah! bukan ape, tlalu rumit. its so complicated, kata omputeh.. obviously laa, my heart belongs to someone~ siapa lagi kalau bukan abang sado tu. but still, two men keep on trying to win over my heart. sorry, i just cant! i cant gv any chances to them. sebaik mana pun mereka, aku tak mampu. 

yes, aku takut kalau jalan yg aku pilih sekarang ni salah. i mean, boleh bahagia ke aku nanti? no one knows what will happen in the future. so, i decided to put my trust on him. yes, biasalah lumrah kehidupan ada turun naik.. so aku percaya, even if aku chose rezza as my someone in the future, there must be up and down. so, i will take the risks! i dont have any intention to start over something, something like love. do i need to stop loving person that i love, just to gv another one chance to be by my side? nope, i dont think so. and i know, rezza loves me as much as i love him. why? its between me and him. 

walaupun kekadang tu macam dingin, tapi biasalah kan. and i can see his improvement, dia dah pandai kawal keadaan. that what i mean! someone who can control me over something, not the one yg aku control dia. it doesnt mean that aku tk kesah di king control, but im sure. he could be a good leader for me, and for my family soon. entahlah, it just my twenty cent la. yes aku mengaku, aku tk baik mana. and aku tk rasa aku deserve to be with them. u know what i mean~ tu je kot.. daaaaa~

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Teman?

Bismillahirrahmanirrhanim..
assalammualaikum..

well, hari ni.. things get better as I acted like nothing was happened. doesnt mean that aku tak ingat dengan kesalahan sendiri. no, i still remember that.. it just the feeling of being leftover. and to be honest with myself, deep down my heart i feel so hurt.. because of my roomate.. yes.. she is.. no matter how hard i tried, i cant hide my sadness.. yes, i hv made a mistake once.. but, siapa kita nak hukum org? siapa!! seriously aku sesangat terkilan.. yang amat.. she treated me so bad.. its been three days we didnt talked to each other.. i hv tried to, but she refused. no, i dont hv the idea y.. because of my mistake? then, are you God to punish me? why you cant be like others? like Maryam? perempuan baik as kawan yg paling baik pernah aku jumpa.. yes, i'm so.. terluka.. its just one thing.. aku taknak mendoakan apa-II, just hope to see you happy.. happy for treating others like they have no feeling.. thanks rummie.. it is most appreciated :')

sincerely,
Farah

Monday, May 19, 2014

Cerita Semalam..

Bismillah..
Assalammualaikum..

Tak pernah rasa seteruk ni.. Ujian.. Masalah berpunca daripada diri sendiri.. aku mengaku.. but people cant accept that, how do I make them terima? impossible kan? then, I deserved it.. its okay.. it is just, my dear sendiri tinggalkan aku sebab kan ni.. im so frustated.. i knew its gonna be happened. its so.. im crying a lot these two days.. sangat.. sakit.. but, no one knows.. they thought that i'm happy for what i hv done.. nak mintak tolong Allah, tapi malu.. perempuan hina ni baru nak ingat Tuhan? and masalah datang bertimpa-II.. i just cant avoid that.. so, no matter how hard it is i have to face it.. 

terasa diri ni taklayak.. nak bergaul, nak berkawan.. and i hv made my decision.. aku tkkan letakkan diri aku macam dulu.. sekarang dah lain.. aku dah taklayak nak bkawan dengan org-II mulia ni.. jauh sangat aku tertinggal.. ye, taklayak!! aku sedar.. and aku akan survive sendiri mulai skang.. i need to.. i need to think for my own future. now, the real life starts! i'm the one who chose the wrong way, and its really killing me.. what to do.. just face it!! kalau dulu, aku ade masalah pon aku tk kesah.. cuz i hv someone behind me.. the one who really gives all his support to me, the one who always makes me strong when i'm down..

actually, apa yg aku rasa sekarang.. dengan kesalahan aku tu.. why, some people act like~ ermmm.. why? tak boleh terima langsung aku buat camtu? terus pulaukan aku? ape ni? siapa diorang ni nak judge aku? terus letakkan aku serendh-rendah manusia? ok then, I take it as a challenge.. there is one pak ustaz bash aku n kawan aku habis-II kat fb.. betul ke cara awak nak tegur tu? betul? dengan malukan kami? thanks a lot, i hope Allah can gv u rewards for your good intention.. but, is that the right way? come on.. jahil-II aku pon takde laa sampai macam tu.. dan the rest. why? sebab hang bertudung litup? aku terbukak sekejap, hang terus pandang aku macam perempuan zaman jahiliah.. camtu?

for your information, aku ade kawan sejak sekolah.. yes, she's wearing hijab whenever she wants. but we hv never treated her like the way you all do.. seriously.. with her outfits, i guesses if she is one of us now~ i could bet that you'll dump her like a bitch!!!!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Happy Birthday Dear Sharezza!

Assalammualaikum wbt..
Hola holi~ hahahah

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to Abang,
Happy birthday to you!!

ouhh yeah, now he's becoming sweet 21.. yups, my dear sharezza, besar dah anak mak.. bahaha :D tgk size, agakla kebesarannya.. and the biggest wishes of the year! cewahhh *over kau jemah*

* Selamat Hari Lahir pakwe! *
* Sorry for the late of wishing, it's the third time I do the same mistake *
* I hope, next year I'll be the first one to wish for your birthday (hope that it same goes to me) *
* Best of luck in your study! hoping for better, excellent and fantastic outcomes for the upcoming year :) *
* Wanna let you know that I will always be by your side, no matter how hard the challenge is *
* Will always love you and will always do *
* Sorry for doing the same mistakes again and again, hope to see you guiding me in the future *
* For the upcoming days, I beg for your sorry also. not to say why, but soon you will know why *
* Thanks for being here with me when I need you *
* Thanks for being my morning, my afternoon, my evening and my night *
* Thanks for keep on telling me that you love me *
* Thanks for letting me celebrate your birthday for the third year of knowing each other *
* Thanks for accepting me the way I are, my slackness, my weakness, my bad and my behaviors *
* Thanks for expressing your anger, egos, stressful and passion towards me *
* For every single things that you gave, million of thanks. but I have nothing in return *

It may sound so lame if I keep on telling the same thing about out past, about how do we met and about how we can be in this serious relationship. I dont have to remind you my dear, I know you still remember every moments of us :) last but not least!!



Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Tonight :(

Bismillah.. 
Assalammualaikum wbt..

hollaaaa.. rajin pulak I ngeupdate entry.. kehkehkeh.. surely, there must be something to share.. right? hahaha yest it is.. just now, got phone call from my dear Sharezza.. and this past few days, he changed a lot.. i dont know why and just now, he told me why.. I'm hoping for something, some good news or whatsoever, but.. no it didnt.. its about him going to be MTM again, for the second session.. meaning that, its gonna be the second year of being MTM.. and you dont know how does it feels.. dia punya busy, mashaAllah.. and seriously, he'll be having no time for himself and ME -_- its all about college, college and college.. seriously, aku tak suka sistem kolej dorang.. because the Pengetua got the power! sangat ade kuasa veto.. and what the pengetua want, they should fulfill it.. 

and for this whole a year, ohmaigad.. his life.. ermmmm ye as he said to me, aku kene TEMPIAS je.. when i said, i should prepare for this following a year, he said.. aku just kene tempias je, aku tak fikir life dia macamne.. okfine!!! aku tahu how does it feel, dia taknak sangat and dipaksa.. but, aku pon terasa jugak.. setahun aku bsabar, diabaikan.. but its ok, as he said laa.. aku malas dah nak cakap bebanyak, he keeps on repeating that AKU TAK FAHAM.. okok, what should i say to him then? sedih laa.. and memang terasa hati, sebab dia kata aku macam tu.. aku rasa tempias je! fine laa kalau mcm tu, then fikir sendiri yg terbaik.. aku diamkan je.. if anything happened, i will just sit, listen and see.. there is nothing much that i can.. i know nothing.. great! yes, there's nothing much that i can do.. 

To my dear sweetheart, I just wanna say.. dont bother about me, do whatever you feel better for your own future.. like it or not, I'll be accepting it with my whole heart.. i will always be there standing beside you in your happy and misery :)

Sincerely,
Farah

Monday, May 12, 2014

Kemengarutan di Malam Hari..

Assalammualaikum wbt..
hi yolsssss..

again, studying till late night! shut up, I deserved to be like this. study in the very last minute, padahal ade banyak masa for revision. and I chose this way, padan muka kalau tk dapat jawab. huh :3 and the last post, about pathology test. and abviously, I studied for the same subject tonight but for the third test.. yes, THIRD TEST guys.. well, UPM stands for Universiti Peperiksaan Malaysia.. sangat banyak exam.. if it possible I guess, they will do the test for each consecutive weeks.. and its happening to my course, we got papers each weeks. congrats congrats!

its not about test alone, its about last friday, last saturday, upcoming thursday and upcoming sunday.. wow, so many plans huh? nope.. jumaat lepas, birthday abang saiful and the next day birthday ayah.. this coming thursday, birthday buah hati :D and...... guess what, tak dapat nak celebrate cause I have a paper that day.. bravo! *how did I stuck in this world?* plus, start from tomorrow I will have no much time to spend with him. every night till sunday, got dance practice. yes, ahad dah competition.. please pray for our victory :) excited and takut..

and now, i have so many plans to prepare the birthday present. but, got no money, time and everything.. how!!!!! why!!! can we just postpone his birthday to any other day please?? at least right after the competition and test thingy!! arghhhh I'm stressed -_- actually.. its ok.. nevermind. and now, I'm gonna talk about someone.. its not about my feeling itself, its just how hurt I am. why do people treat others differently? depending on their attire or what? kalau aku ni tak labuh tudung, nape pandang aku jijik sangat? yes, jijik.. why??? hampa baik sangat ye? I know, aku memang tak baik, but at least.. tak boleh ke layan semua orang sama rata? just curious.. no offense..

goodnight world, nak tido.. ngantuk sangat dah.. assalam

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

My life :3

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.. assalammualaikum wbt..

minggu yg hectic. #eh.. hahhaa minggu test 2.. satu paper dah jawab.. it was Pathology. Guess what??? tak study pon. Arghh good job farah :3 redult test satu teruk kot! sampai bila nk mainmain.. ermm actually bukan main.  Yes bukan mainmain.. cuma diri sendiri ni, tk tenang. Stress.. sebab ape? sebab lelaki.. sounds stupid huh? aku mengaku. Buatpa nk stress pasai mereka.. mcm bengong jaa.. oklaa.. lets begin now..

Last month, i met someone. I didnt know him and he didnt know me either. And suddenly, he confessed that he fell in love with me for the first time. Seriously i cant believe it. Ni bukan zaman purba lagi, ke camne? Beriye nak ajak aku kawen.. he's 28 and im just 21. i was thinking, im still young to get married. Yes, too young! tak matang lagi. Hahaha he was like.. forcing me.. yes i feel like i hv been forced to marry him. No way man! let me decide what d best for my own future. Eventho aku sendiri tktau apa yg betul ape yg tak *ayat mcm budak belom mumayyiz* aku paham, dia punya umur.. hahaha must quick to get married. But, if he want to do so please pick up someone else. Not me, totally it shouldnt be me!

At the beginning, aku rase mcm wow! ade org ajak aku kawen. Im so excited! excited je, not more than that. Theres difference between excitation and acceptance. Get me guys? so please dont get misunderstand with my statement. Plus, and now. Everything changed! i dont hv intention to say this. But.. i should say it out loud!! its so.. aku tk suka.. the way he treat me. Aku tk suka.. wehh, we hv nothing laa. Just dont be too good to me. Plus, if now he cant understand my student life, how would he understand me after marriage?? tkkan nak msg 24 hrs. Please laa, aku ade kelas, ade assignment, ade aktivity ade itu ade ini! seriously, i cant take it anymore.. aku rase aku da beritahu yg aku tknak kawen time belajar. Yes im so sure, i hv told him already.. seriously aku rase aku dipaksa.. blerghhh :3

Tu satu masalah, and another one. Ade budak fakulti aku pon propose aku. Gilaa! semua serius.. but guys for your info. Im not ready to have any commitment as a wife.. yes i dont want to get married laa! muda lagi, masih nk enjoy. Masih jauh pjalanan nak kejar cita2.. and the most important thing, aku tk mampu nk bukak hati ni untuk lelaki lain.. sorang je.. mr. Sharezza :) my rezza.. okok eventho skang dah tkde apeape. Takpela, fikir positif.. menyayangi tk bmakna memiliki.. haahaa *jiwangnya* tak kesah laa.. aku pun tahu.. takkan laa dia nk kt aku lagi.. dah bnyak kali aku buat dia.. buat dia kecewa.. kan, so i desrve to be like this.. its ok, its so alright.. aku nk tunggu dia.. tkpe, kalau dia tknk aku dah pn tkpe.. yg aku tahu, i love him.. sampai bilabila.. hahahah miang nya.. nak tgk dari jauh je :)

the end. Hahaa

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

May Allah Ease Everything :)

Bismillah..
Assalammualaikum..

I have never asked to be in this situation,
I have never asked to be in the middle of two,
I hope I can find the way out,
I hope I can just fly out of their minds,
Doubting of the sincerity,
Dissatisfying of the courtesy,
How would I be the right person,
If in the past I were not belong to them..

In just three days,
I will probably make a big mistake,
Mistake of deciding for the future,
Taking me away from the right path,
Subhanallah, MashaAllah..
Or else,
I am heading to His Jannah,
Love that belong to Him,
Chance to feel the true love,
Being loved for dunia wal akhirah,
Alhamdulillah, Wasyukurillah..

May Allah ease everything!

Sincerely,
Farah


Thursday, April 10, 2014

Secebis Rasa :)

Bismillah..
Assalammualaikum..

coretan hati menjadi santapan,
bukan meminta-meminta,
bukan menunjuk-nunjuk,
hanya mengharapkan satu keajaiban,
keajaiban dari si Pencipta yang maha Esa..

jalan yang lurus,
jalan yang membawa ku jauh daripada landasan,
jalan yang diredhaiNya,
mahupun jalan kemurkaan,
manakah pilihan hati,
biar sekali terpilih,
tiada berpatah balik..

mungkin dorongan dan sokongan diperlukan,
bantuan si perasa asam garam terdahulu ditagih,
biar sekali merana,
jangan pilihan memberi seribu satu kesengsaraa,
Ya Tuhan,
bantulah hambaMu yang kerdil ini..

Nurkilan hati,
Farah..

Monday, February 17, 2014

Sorry, tapi aku dah putus asa :'(

Assalammualaikum.. ermmm

first day of new semester.. everything changed! and my life is totally changed.. i really cant take it anymore.. i'm quit! why? why it should be me? ya Allah, besar sangat dugaan yg kau bagi.. KEKECEWAAN.. aku dah terlalu banyak kecewa! terlalu banyak! hati aku ni dah mati.. my heart has already died long time ago.. i dont know what it feels.. for hundreds of time, aku kecewa! kekecewaan terbesar bila ramai kawan dapat 2nd intake for JPA's scholarship.. and aku? aku je yg tk dapat! aku bersusah payah buat rayuan segala bagai.. and yet, still i'm not chosen! kenapa? aku dah lepas cgpa yg dorang nak! apa lagi yg tak cukop? keluarga aku dah cukop susah!!! apa lagi yg dorang nak! semuanya buat aku distress! serius, dengan upcoming event lagi.. semua nak pakai duit.. AKU TAKDA DUIT! nak makan pon aku takde duit! it seems like doesnt make a sense, tapi thats my life is actually.. korang semua anak org senang, budak tajaan semua bolehlaa hidup mewah.. takpayah risau nak bayar itu ini.. aku? hutang sana sini.. seriously, i just cant take it anymore!!!

aku ade beritahu, aku tak mampu nak bayar for vet dinner.. and those person in charge~ looking at me like *shut up you bitch, pay for the money and just attend it to support the rest of the classmates!* ermmmm.. aku tkde duit paham tk! duit yg sedia ada ni banyak yg nk kene guna.. aku berhutang sana sini.. hutang tu WAJIB dibayar! ermmmm yups.. dorang tkpaham.. sebab dorang tk rasa susah yg aku rasa.. kan! you guys have a great life.. keep it up! congratulations! but you guys must always remember, not all people got the same life as you do.. salah satunya aku.. hahahahah kenapa aku rasa macam ni?? yes, last time when i did practical, aku terpaksa cagarkan handset aku sebab aku tkde duit nak buat pratical.. susah sangat hidup aku masa tu.. aku tknak mintak ibu ayah sekaligus banyak-II.. aku bukan orang senang macam org lain! and again, organizing event that is compulsory to be attended? mana aku nak carik duit!!!

aku selalu rasa kecik, tersangat kecik! dengan sesape je.. rendah diri sangat.. hina sangat.. aku bersyukur dilahirkan macamni.. keadaan keluarga aku yg bukanlah orang senang.. tapi? please guys, don't treat me like i am one of yours.. please :'( sejak dengan rezza lagi.. aku tlalu banyak bgantung dengan dia.. duit, makan aku.. hahahah tak malu, takde maruah :( memang timbul dekat hati ni, aku ni perempuan hina.. aku susah, dia sekali aku tarik sama.. ermmm mungkin tu salah satu sebab kenapa aku ditinggalkan sensorang.. dia sepatutnya boleh lived happily ever after without me interrupting his financial.. kan? hahahah jauh sangat.. hidup dia dengan hidup aku.. tak layak pon aku duduk sebelah dia.. aku sapa? 

Friday, January 10, 2014

Sekarang..

Assalammualaikum..
hoollllaaaa :)

currently dekat kampung.. esok nak balik KL sudah.. arghhh sekejapnya :( it's ok.. at least dapat jumpa ibu ayahkan?? eheheh.. and the most important thing, aku jumpa dengan orang yang aku tak sangka.. meaning here that bukan jumpa je, but almost getting closer again.. siapa? ok, rahsia.. biarlah rahsia.. and i should do this long time ago.. i should forget all the things happened before.. its a must actually.. why should i live in hatred? tak dapat ape pun kan???

and now.. i should have said this earlier..


entahlah.. kenapa aku pilih insan yang bernama Ahmat Sharezza Ahmat Ja'affar? kenapa? ouhh my heart, is it because i really want to choose him or it just because i just want to give a try?? no way.. jawapannya sebab aku sayang dia ikhlas.. seikhlasnya.. but this lately, banyak benda berlaku.. and i just cant bear each one of it.. terlalu sakit.. sampai satu tahap aku tk boleh nak tanggung lagi.. aku risau, kalau kalau sebab benda camni boleh buatkan aku tawar hati.. entahlah, and now.. aku dah tawar hati.. tawar hati dengan dia.. aku dah tak rase hubungan ni boleh bertahan.. ermmm.. aku dah cakap, aku dah warning kt dia.. jangan salahkan aku.. sedangkan aku dilayan as if i am nothing.. 

i just dont want to hear anything, any excuses anymore.. sorry, i am so sorry.. aku sedih sangat.. dan dia, still tak kisah.. if something really happened, don't ask me why.. and now, malas nak fikir cuz sometimes i think this way..


lagi lagi.. aku takfaham.. is it wrong if i befriend with seorang yg umur jauh lebih tua dripada aku.. let's say dia tu around 35 and i just 20's.. is it wrong?? i love to be around with people yang matang.. fikiran tk macam bebudak.. if one day, some old people proposed aku pon aku terima KOT -_- hahahah depends on several factors laa.. but really, there's one guy.. he refuses to befriend with me when he knows my age.. he said that i'm way too young for him.. what the heck is happening?i just don't care what your age and what my age.. all i need is a good friend.. aneh-II laa dunia sekarang ni.. ermmm..

*i can bet my rezza won't read this cause he got so much things to do.. i'm in 90 plusplus things in his to-do-list.. yuckss*



Monday, January 6, 2014

Esok Last Payyypeeerrr.. Hoooyeahhh!

Assalammualaikum..
hi u'ollssss..

well done to myself! i'm totally recover laa.. insyaAllah.. and guess what?!?!?!?!


ye, percayalah, going to end this third semester so soon.. not more than 12 hours laa!! and i'm having last paper tomorrow at 11:30 a.m. its Physiology.. still studying right now.. tak habis pon, gua baca soklan spot je.. sebab tahu tak mampu nak habiskan semua lecture notes.. erkkk.. apakah? at least aku buat ok!!! kene jugak telaah mana yang patut, kalau tk mati tk boleh jawab esok.. heheheh.. yang penting the previous paper aku rasa alhamdulillah, boleh laa jawab.. takdelaa excellent mana.. tapi, boleh laa kan!

right after habis exam, aku nak kemas semua barang.. packing up all my stuffs and ready to go back home!! basuh baju semua and... thinking of hanging out with friends.. but now i realized, i dont have one.. shit! betul kata rezza, aku takdak kawan.. mungkin sebab masalah aku sendirik.. its ok.. this new year, i'll try to change myself especially my attitude.. make people selesa dengan aku especially.. and yet if there is still no one yang nak kawan ngan aku, takpe.. i can just live my own life! heheheh still i'm happy to be myself.. cause no one knows my strengths and all they see is my weaknesses!

and last night, having dinner together dengan rezza.. aku amik dia sementara bawak kereta ni.. huhuhu we were having so much talks about us.. about the relationship.. even if rezza macam tk berminat pon nak cakap pasal kami, tapi i tried to give him some hints.. try to provoke him.. as i said to him.. if once ade yang datang hantar rombongan meminang dekat aku, si bakal tu dah bekerjaya memang aku terima.. and i should have said goodbye to him long time ago.. and he was like.. "OKAY".. i dont know how to translate his response.. is he suprised with that statement or seriously he didnt put any interests to know.. hahaha *ok malu*

but just now, aku tunjuk yang aku tawar hati dan makan hati kat dia.. suprisingly he said.. kalau ade orang datang meminang aku, janganlah terima.. tolak laa pinangan tu.. kan aku sayang dia, kesian dia.. hahahaha ok leganya dengar.. actually aku tk mintak banyak pon.. just bagi aku jawapan yang boleh buat aku tarik nafas lega.. hiksss.. and thats it.. that is all i want! thanks a lot.. and by tuesday, aku dah nak balik kampung.. tk dapat jumpa dah lepas tu.. sampai pergi pektikel.. huhuhu.. sedihnya!!!! dia rase sedih tk agak-II? hahahahah

aku bukan nak ugut, tapi aku cakap yang betul laa.. i give him some short time to think bout us.. right after habis exam, kalau dia macam tu lagi memang aku angkat kaki laa.. huhu entahlaa.. mungkin dia tk faham perasaan aku.. huhuhu.. oklaa, nak sambung study.. tak habis lagi ni.. babaiiiiii!




Thursday, January 2, 2014

The first and second pages of 2014 books!

Assalammualaikum wbt..

Hi u olss.. I olss makin rajin plak nak post entry.. yela, semenjak dua menjak ni, makin syahdu pulak hidup.. kahkahkah.. okok, tadi tepat jam 2.30 aku ade paper final foe ethology and animal welfare.. sehari gap untuk study just before the day.. but what I did is that study for nothing.. yes, for nothing u olss.. entah kenapa laa aku ni macam down sesangat.. and when I got back to college, pon tak study.. pasai pa? pasai bergaduh dengan buah hati.. what the hell is happening with me?? I’ve never get affected or influenced by all those things selama ni!!! Arghh tension.. aku dah tak pandai jaga diri.. ye, DAH TAK PANDAI JAGA DIRI.. benda macam ni boleh buat aku distracted?? Woii, it’s a final examination beb!! It’s the thing that will lead to the brightness of your future.. don’t u realized that?

Oklaa, dan right after aku jawab exam tadi.. I am so frustrated sebab tak mampu buat sehabis mungkin. Why? Tak cukop masa.. and that is not the main point.. tapi not enough time spent for some kind of preparation.. ermmm ok padan muka FARAHHH!!! Serve your right.. siapa suruh ikutkan perasaan? You should study that night, and you were wasting your time and tears for the one who didn’t deserve that! Open your eyes FARAHH.. ermmm.. subhanallah.. what’s wrong with me??? What’s wrong? Dulu masa Asasi, aku patah hati jugak.. but Alhamdulillah, I managed not to be influenced by those things.. and now, it’s totally different.. siapa suruh bercinta bagai nak rak time belajar?? Kan dapat bahagiannya!!!! Arghhh, #MohonClash!!!

Untuk junior-II semua, ni akak ade pesanan penaja.. time belajar ni toksah laa bercinta.. bebankan kepala otak je dengan masalah.. time memula semuanya manis.. kentut pon wangi.. bila dah ade masalah, hah rasakanlah.. kalau memula tu, semua share sesame.. susah senang, masalah bagai.. but when u reach certain level in your relationship, u will feel regret of being trapped in that love itself! Definitely as what I feel currently.. and he doesn’t even care about me.. I feel like the stupidest girl ever existed in the world.. I said to him.. I would sacrifice everything for him.. EVERYTHING!! Including my future.. shittt! It so damn stupid.. Alhamdulillah, tersedar dengan cepat apa yg aku cakap.. it is just so memalukan.. sacrifice my own bright future disebabkan benda yg just like a piece of crap? Seriously, I’m out of mind..

Dia, cinta dan segalanya takda dalam hidup aku lagi masa aku bina cita-II aku.. takda lagi.. belum wujud! Aku nak sacrifice everything? What the hell ==’’ and I’m moving one step ahead of ruining my own future.. well, it’s a good job btw.. nampaknya memang aku berjaya musnahkan masa depan sendiri.. hati ni!! Kenapa Tuhan bagi aku perasaan? Kenapa Tuhan bagi aku rasa untuk sayang orang? Kenapa? Aku menyesal.. serius.. patutnya aku takpayah layan perasaan ni lelebih.. bila aku teringat ibu ayah, ya Allah.. terlalu banyak dosa yang aku buat.. seriously I really want to say sorry for ruining my own future.. I’m begging them! Aku mintak maaf sangat.. mesti diorang kecewa dengan aku.. mesti!!! Tadi pun aku cakap kt ibu, aku tk boleh jawab paper tadi.. but she still put her believing that I could.. I have the ability :’( mashaAllah.. begitu besar harapan ibu ayah aku kat aku..


Dan sekarang, I managed not to get distracted again.. hati, jadilah beku sebeku-bekunya!! Aku dah tak perlukan semua.. ya, aku memang takut sebelum ni untuk tinggalkan dia.. sebab dia tempat aku bergantung.. sampaikan makan aku pun dia yang tanggung.. takpe, lepas ni aku akan cuba untuk survive sendiri.. yes, I will!! Dulu aku tkdak pon depending on lelaki.. takdak.. sekarang je mengada-II.. manja tak tentu pasal.. woi, kau ade mak bapak laa!! Takpayah nak menagih kasih ke, simpati ke kt orang..d ah, takpayah nak cintan-cintun.. membazir masa.. musnahkan masa depan je!! Tak payah berangan nak kawen ke ape! Belajar pepandai.. pastu boleh fly poie luar negara.. tu yg kau idamkan kan? Kejar cita-II tu.. jangan pandang belakang or kiri kanan.. bagi kesenangan and kebahagiaan kat ibu ayah.. banyak dah yg dorang berkorban.. ingat sikit *ni semua pesanan untuk I olss ok!* 

arghhh aku sayang sangat dekat IBU AYAH KAKAK ABANG ADIK.. dan semua laa!!! Hahahah *gile sekejap* dah seharian, aku da bangkit dah.. hahahah insyaAllah.. let’s open new book.. it’s ok, even if the first and the second page of 2014 is damn suck! Tapi ade baki 363 pages kan?? Heheh.. let’s choose the best color, beautify each pages and live your life macam takdak sape wujud.. karna dunia ini aku yang punya.. HAHAHA


Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Patah Beribu-ribu~

Assalammualaikum wbt..
it's me in within a day~



Happy new year for all! Azam baru?? Entahlah, I’m having such a tight moment right now.. by the way, its not a good starting at all.. AKU PUTUS CINTA?? Nak categorized as putus cinta tu taktahu laa.. yang penting aku patah hati, kecewa dan yang sewaktu dengannya.. aku ingatkan ni laa kisah cinta terakhir aku.. tapi hampeh.. da putus di tengah jalan.. HAHAHAH.. *dalam hati siapa yang tahu* kecewa sangat!! Aku rasa macam sia-II past few years.. aku sayangkan orang yang tak hargai aku langsung.. aku taktahu laa apa niat dia selama ni layan aku baik, jaga aku dengan penuh kasih sayang, sanggup bersusah payah untuk aku, sanggup ikat perut untuk tengok aku kenyang.. seriously, aku takpaham!! Apa niat dia sebenarnya? Bila dah jadik macam ni, setan pon suka laa nak hasut-II aku untuk fikir bukan-II..

Entahlah! Selama ni dia yang aku percaya dia yang aku sayang.. tapi takpe, aku memang dah agak benda macam ni akan jadik.. aku memang dah lama agak.. Cuma SAMPAI HATI buat aku macam ni.. dia tahu aku tk boleh bila ada masalah camni, tapi dia tak kisah pun.. mungkin nak BALAS DENDAM sebab aku pernah tinggalkan dia dulu? Nak bagi aku rasa yang sama? Lagi-II tengah minggu FINAL EXAM.. kan? Kalau betul lah, kejamnya :’( aku harap taklah.. ye, lately ni dia dah banyak berubah.. bagus.. untuk kebaikan kami berdua.. tapi sampai abaikan aku.. dia mengaku.. Cuma aku nak tahu, apa sebab dia berubah?? Katanya ada masalah besar.. besar mana tu sampai sanggup berpisah dengan aku daripada beritahu aku perkara sebenar???

Aku taktahu apa maksud dia! Aku mati ke kalau beritahu aku d truth things? I should have know your problems from the beginning!! Selama ni aku jadikan dia tempat untuk aku mengadu.. tapi dia? Anggap aku takde pon takpe.. kan? He needs some space~ ok.. space to make me feel so hurt like this?? Thank u so much dear.. but once the problem is no longer with u, just bear in mind.. u’re losing me already.. that’s it!!! I’ve told u already.. aku dah terlalu sakit dipergunakan.. dan aku rasa aku perempuan paling bodoh dalam dunia.. and lepas ni, aku takkan percaya mana-II lelaki.. sebab most of them ni PENIPU!! I didn’t say all of them, but MOST of them! Bukan sebab lelaki tu jahat, Cuma sebab aku yang BODOH percayakan lelaki..
Aku yakin, kali ni aku bukan main-II.. aku betul-II dah patah hati.. tertutup dah pintu hati ni untuk kemaafan.. dahlah, jangan fikirkan sangat! Tuhan dah aturkan yg lebih baik.. insyaAllah.. sekarang, focus for the last several papers!! Gambate!! :’)



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