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Friday, January 10, 2014

Sekarang..

Assalammualaikum..
hoollllaaaa :)

currently dekat kampung.. esok nak balik KL sudah.. arghhh sekejapnya :( it's ok.. at least dapat jumpa ibu ayahkan?? eheheh.. and the most important thing, aku jumpa dengan orang yang aku tak sangka.. meaning here that bukan jumpa je, but almost getting closer again.. siapa? ok, rahsia.. biarlah rahsia.. and i should do this long time ago.. i should forget all the things happened before.. its a must actually.. why should i live in hatred? tak dapat ape pun kan???

and now.. i should have said this earlier..


entahlah.. kenapa aku pilih insan yang bernama Ahmat Sharezza Ahmat Ja'affar? kenapa? ouhh my heart, is it because i really want to choose him or it just because i just want to give a try?? no way.. jawapannya sebab aku sayang dia ikhlas.. seikhlasnya.. but this lately, banyak benda berlaku.. and i just cant bear each one of it.. terlalu sakit.. sampai satu tahap aku tk boleh nak tanggung lagi.. aku risau, kalau kalau sebab benda camni boleh buatkan aku tawar hati.. entahlah, and now.. aku dah tawar hati.. tawar hati dengan dia.. aku dah tak rase hubungan ni boleh bertahan.. ermmm.. aku dah cakap, aku dah warning kt dia.. jangan salahkan aku.. sedangkan aku dilayan as if i am nothing.. 

i just dont want to hear anything, any excuses anymore.. sorry, i am so sorry.. aku sedih sangat.. dan dia, still tak kisah.. if something really happened, don't ask me why.. and now, malas nak fikir cuz sometimes i think this way..


lagi lagi.. aku takfaham.. is it wrong if i befriend with seorang yg umur jauh lebih tua dripada aku.. let's say dia tu around 35 and i just 20's.. is it wrong?? i love to be around with people yang matang.. fikiran tk macam bebudak.. if one day, some old people proposed aku pon aku terima KOT -_- hahahah depends on several factors laa.. but really, there's one guy.. he refuses to befriend with me when he knows my age.. he said that i'm way too young for him.. what the heck is happening?i just don't care what your age and what my age.. all i need is a good friend.. aneh-II laa dunia sekarang ni.. ermmm..

*i can bet my rezza won't read this cause he got so much things to do.. i'm in 90 plusplus things in his to-do-list.. yuckss*



Monday, January 6, 2014

Esok Last Payyypeeerrr.. Hoooyeahhh!

Assalammualaikum..
hi u'ollssss..

well done to myself! i'm totally recover laa.. insyaAllah.. and guess what?!?!?!?!


ye, percayalah, going to end this third semester so soon.. not more than 12 hours laa!! and i'm having last paper tomorrow at 11:30 a.m. its Physiology.. still studying right now.. tak habis pon, gua baca soklan spot je.. sebab tahu tak mampu nak habiskan semua lecture notes.. erkkk.. apakah? at least aku buat ok!!! kene jugak telaah mana yang patut, kalau tk mati tk boleh jawab esok.. heheheh.. yang penting the previous paper aku rasa alhamdulillah, boleh laa jawab.. takdelaa excellent mana.. tapi, boleh laa kan!

right after habis exam, aku nak kemas semua barang.. packing up all my stuffs and ready to go back home!! basuh baju semua and... thinking of hanging out with friends.. but now i realized, i dont have one.. shit! betul kata rezza, aku takdak kawan.. mungkin sebab masalah aku sendirik.. its ok.. this new year, i'll try to change myself especially my attitude.. make people selesa dengan aku especially.. and yet if there is still no one yang nak kawan ngan aku, takpe.. i can just live my own life! heheheh still i'm happy to be myself.. cause no one knows my strengths and all they see is my weaknesses!

and last night, having dinner together dengan rezza.. aku amik dia sementara bawak kereta ni.. huhuhu we were having so much talks about us.. about the relationship.. even if rezza macam tk berminat pon nak cakap pasal kami, tapi i tried to give him some hints.. try to provoke him.. as i said to him.. if once ade yang datang hantar rombongan meminang dekat aku, si bakal tu dah bekerjaya memang aku terima.. and i should have said goodbye to him long time ago.. and he was like.. "OKAY".. i dont know how to translate his response.. is he suprised with that statement or seriously he didnt put any interests to know.. hahaha *ok malu*

but just now, aku tunjuk yang aku tawar hati dan makan hati kat dia.. suprisingly he said.. kalau ade orang datang meminang aku, janganlah terima.. tolak laa pinangan tu.. kan aku sayang dia, kesian dia.. hahahaha ok leganya dengar.. actually aku tk mintak banyak pon.. just bagi aku jawapan yang boleh buat aku tarik nafas lega.. hiksss.. and thats it.. that is all i want! thanks a lot.. and by tuesday, aku dah nak balik kampung.. tk dapat jumpa dah lepas tu.. sampai pergi pektikel.. huhuhu.. sedihnya!!!! dia rase sedih tk agak-II? hahahahah

aku bukan nak ugut, tapi aku cakap yang betul laa.. i give him some short time to think bout us.. right after habis exam, kalau dia macam tu lagi memang aku angkat kaki laa.. huhu entahlaa.. mungkin dia tk faham perasaan aku.. huhuhu.. oklaa, nak sambung study.. tak habis lagi ni.. babaiiiiii!




Thursday, January 2, 2014

The first and second pages of 2014 books!

Assalammualaikum wbt..

Hi u olss.. I olss makin rajin plak nak post entry.. yela, semenjak dua menjak ni, makin syahdu pulak hidup.. kahkahkah.. okok, tadi tepat jam 2.30 aku ade paper final foe ethology and animal welfare.. sehari gap untuk study just before the day.. but what I did is that study for nothing.. yes, for nothing u olss.. entah kenapa laa aku ni macam down sesangat.. and when I got back to college, pon tak study.. pasai pa? pasai bergaduh dengan buah hati.. what the hell is happening with me?? I’ve never get affected or influenced by all those things selama ni!!! Arghh tension.. aku dah tak pandai jaga diri.. ye, DAH TAK PANDAI JAGA DIRI.. benda macam ni boleh buat aku distracted?? Woii, it’s a final examination beb!! It’s the thing that will lead to the brightness of your future.. don’t u realized that?

Oklaa, dan right after aku jawab exam tadi.. I am so frustrated sebab tak mampu buat sehabis mungkin. Why? Tak cukop masa.. and that is not the main point.. tapi not enough time spent for some kind of preparation.. ermmm ok padan muka FARAHHH!!! Serve your right.. siapa suruh ikutkan perasaan? You should study that night, and you were wasting your time and tears for the one who didn’t deserve that! Open your eyes FARAHH.. ermmm.. subhanallah.. what’s wrong with me??? What’s wrong? Dulu masa Asasi, aku patah hati jugak.. but Alhamdulillah, I managed not to be influenced by those things.. and now, it’s totally different.. siapa suruh bercinta bagai nak rak time belajar?? Kan dapat bahagiannya!!!! Arghhh, #MohonClash!!!

Untuk junior-II semua, ni akak ade pesanan penaja.. time belajar ni toksah laa bercinta.. bebankan kepala otak je dengan masalah.. time memula semuanya manis.. kentut pon wangi.. bila dah ade masalah, hah rasakanlah.. kalau memula tu, semua share sesame.. susah senang, masalah bagai.. but when u reach certain level in your relationship, u will feel regret of being trapped in that love itself! Definitely as what I feel currently.. and he doesn’t even care about me.. I feel like the stupidest girl ever existed in the world.. I said to him.. I would sacrifice everything for him.. EVERYTHING!! Including my future.. shittt! It so damn stupid.. Alhamdulillah, tersedar dengan cepat apa yg aku cakap.. it is just so memalukan.. sacrifice my own bright future disebabkan benda yg just like a piece of crap? Seriously, I’m out of mind..

Dia, cinta dan segalanya takda dalam hidup aku lagi masa aku bina cita-II aku.. takda lagi.. belum wujud! Aku nak sacrifice everything? What the hell ==’’ and I’m moving one step ahead of ruining my own future.. well, it’s a good job btw.. nampaknya memang aku berjaya musnahkan masa depan sendiri.. hati ni!! Kenapa Tuhan bagi aku perasaan? Kenapa Tuhan bagi aku rasa untuk sayang orang? Kenapa? Aku menyesal.. serius.. patutnya aku takpayah layan perasaan ni lelebih.. bila aku teringat ibu ayah, ya Allah.. terlalu banyak dosa yang aku buat.. seriously I really want to say sorry for ruining my own future.. I’m begging them! Aku mintak maaf sangat.. mesti diorang kecewa dengan aku.. mesti!!! Tadi pun aku cakap kt ibu, aku tk boleh jawab paper tadi.. but she still put her believing that I could.. I have the ability :’( mashaAllah.. begitu besar harapan ibu ayah aku kat aku..


Dan sekarang, I managed not to get distracted again.. hati, jadilah beku sebeku-bekunya!! Aku dah tak perlukan semua.. ya, aku memang takut sebelum ni untuk tinggalkan dia.. sebab dia tempat aku bergantung.. sampaikan makan aku pun dia yang tanggung.. takpe, lepas ni aku akan cuba untuk survive sendiri.. yes, I will!! Dulu aku tkdak pon depending on lelaki.. takdak.. sekarang je mengada-II.. manja tak tentu pasal.. woi, kau ade mak bapak laa!! Takpayah nak menagih kasih ke, simpati ke kt orang..d ah, takpayah nak cintan-cintun.. membazir masa.. musnahkan masa depan je!! Tak payah berangan nak kawen ke ape! Belajar pepandai.. pastu boleh fly poie luar negara.. tu yg kau idamkan kan? Kejar cita-II tu.. jangan pandang belakang or kiri kanan.. bagi kesenangan and kebahagiaan kat ibu ayah.. banyak dah yg dorang berkorban.. ingat sikit *ni semua pesanan untuk I olss ok!* 

arghhh aku sayang sangat dekat IBU AYAH KAKAK ABANG ADIK.. dan semua laa!!! Hahahah *gile sekejap* dah seharian, aku da bangkit dah.. hahahah insyaAllah.. let’s open new book.. it’s ok, even if the first and the second page of 2014 is damn suck! Tapi ade baki 363 pages kan?? Heheh.. let’s choose the best color, beautify each pages and live your life macam takdak sape wujud.. karna dunia ini aku yang punya.. HAHAHA


Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Patah Beribu-ribu~

Assalammualaikum wbt..
it's me in within a day~



Happy new year for all! Azam baru?? Entahlah, I’m having such a tight moment right now.. by the way, its not a good starting at all.. AKU PUTUS CINTA?? Nak categorized as putus cinta tu taktahu laa.. yang penting aku patah hati, kecewa dan yang sewaktu dengannya.. aku ingatkan ni laa kisah cinta terakhir aku.. tapi hampeh.. da putus di tengah jalan.. HAHAHAH.. *dalam hati siapa yang tahu* kecewa sangat!! Aku rasa macam sia-II past few years.. aku sayangkan orang yang tak hargai aku langsung.. aku taktahu laa apa niat dia selama ni layan aku baik, jaga aku dengan penuh kasih sayang, sanggup bersusah payah untuk aku, sanggup ikat perut untuk tengok aku kenyang.. seriously, aku takpaham!! Apa niat dia sebenarnya? Bila dah jadik macam ni, setan pon suka laa nak hasut-II aku untuk fikir bukan-II..

Entahlah! Selama ni dia yang aku percaya dia yang aku sayang.. tapi takpe, aku memang dah agak benda macam ni akan jadik.. aku memang dah lama agak.. Cuma SAMPAI HATI buat aku macam ni.. dia tahu aku tk boleh bila ada masalah camni, tapi dia tak kisah pun.. mungkin nak BALAS DENDAM sebab aku pernah tinggalkan dia dulu? Nak bagi aku rasa yang sama? Lagi-II tengah minggu FINAL EXAM.. kan? Kalau betul lah, kejamnya :’( aku harap taklah.. ye, lately ni dia dah banyak berubah.. bagus.. untuk kebaikan kami berdua.. tapi sampai abaikan aku.. dia mengaku.. Cuma aku nak tahu, apa sebab dia berubah?? Katanya ada masalah besar.. besar mana tu sampai sanggup berpisah dengan aku daripada beritahu aku perkara sebenar???

Aku taktahu apa maksud dia! Aku mati ke kalau beritahu aku d truth things? I should have know your problems from the beginning!! Selama ni aku jadikan dia tempat untuk aku mengadu.. tapi dia? Anggap aku takde pon takpe.. kan? He needs some space~ ok.. space to make me feel so hurt like this?? Thank u so much dear.. but once the problem is no longer with u, just bear in mind.. u’re losing me already.. that’s it!!! I’ve told u already.. aku dah terlalu sakit dipergunakan.. dan aku rasa aku perempuan paling bodoh dalam dunia.. and lepas ni, aku takkan percaya mana-II lelaki.. sebab most of them ni PENIPU!! I didn’t say all of them, but MOST of them! Bukan sebab lelaki tu jahat, Cuma sebab aku yang BODOH percayakan lelaki..
Aku yakin, kali ni aku bukan main-II.. aku betul-II dah patah hati.. tertutup dah pintu hati ni untuk kemaafan.. dahlah, jangan fikirkan sangat! Tuhan dah aturkan yg lebih baik.. insyaAllah.. sekarang, focus for the last several papers!! Gambate!! :’)



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