Tuesday, December 29, 2015

6th March 2015


A new day without beloved ayah :( can I live like this? aku dah anak yatim. Emosi.. tersangat tak stabil. Me either, I cannot control or expect my emotional status. ade je yang jadi mangsa.. especially him -_- and this lately, i'm just being to sensitive with people's doing. entahlah, aku pun tk faham dengan diri sendiri.. sebab masih merasa kehilangan kot.. okay laa, let's not to talk abt it..

last week weekend, pergi kuar dengan si dia. having big big gaduh.. seingat aku lah, dah lama sebenarnya tak bergaduh.. hahaha and it happened again. and, for the second time we had argument on last wednesday. i was so so excited to go out with him. unfortunately, things happened as unplanned. it's okay. may be cause of my own faults. aku punya la stress, rupanya dia boleh bsenang lenang melepak. hahaha tu namanya aku syok sendiri. bila aku text him, he replied me. and acting just so fine. okay, what's going on exactly? hahaha

7th October 2015


Busy sangat this lately. Lots of things happened in my life. I learned about pain a lot. I really do feel like I am just, a small person. A small one who people don't really care, don't care at all. They don't see me as a real in whole. What should I do to change their perception? What should I do? I am not asking to be outstanding, I am not asking for people to love me. I just want to be myself. Most of the time, I failed to prove to them that I am something. Why? Am I lived in a safe place all this while? Am I? It just, feeling so hurt to know they are labeling u as no one. I should be able to face this, this isn't the first time. I have felt a lot more back then. 

I felt disappointed to know people around me ignored my thoughts. Why? Is it because I'm not performed well in studies? Is it because I am not as clever as they are? Ya Allah, please help me going through this. Please Ya Allah. I felt this for the second time. Ya Allah please help me, I just can't take it anymore. For the whole class today, I was so embarrassed as no one was taking my thoughts at the very first place. Am I not applicable enough to say out loud my thought? things that I know? Ya Allah, please give me chance to prove that I can. Please give me your guide. Please help meimprove everything. Please always be by my side. 

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