Thursday, October 4, 2012

now or never..

            Now I know the thing that he should tell me earlier. I’ve been living with no shame all this time. Build up again my new pride with new intention and determination, but it seems like I was wrong. There’s no need to live in with fake smile. Everything is just so unreal and I’m pretending like everything is in my hand. But the truth is I don’t have the power to change everything. I should be able to figure out this thing earlier, and not just after it went wrong. The answer that he gave me is like something that makes me feel so disturbing. Am I wrong for loving him with full of my heart? Am I too much if I said that he is the only person I’m looking at?
            It is totally different to be someone he loved once before and someone he doesn’t love anymore. It really hurts when he treats you like ‘someone’ but he just assume that you just only friend. It is hurting when you know he respects you for someone he admires to marry with, but it will be more hurting when you know he lost his respect towards the girl he doesn’t even want to marry with even in the future. It really makes you feel like you are nothing even you confessed that you love him more than yourself. And now I realized that the thing can’t even be changed even though you are crying until the last breath of yours.

            I’ve had once promised that he will be the only person I love the most. And it will never change the way I love him even for the way he treats me. I’ve decided, I will keep this feeling alone, never tell him again and again to prove that I have pride, and look forward. It’s really fine for me if he didn’t care about me as long as this love existed, he will always in my heart. From now on, I will try to learn on accepting the fate that we are not meant to be together. Thanks a lot for making me happy all this while =)

            Maybe I could be a good pretender, but deeply inside my heart no one knows how I feel. I can act like I was fine, but he didn’t even know that I hurt a lot. It’s fine for me because I deserve to feel like this. But what can I say is that I’m just the ordinary girl. I love to be loved by someone, but I hate to be hated by someone. Nothing else I can say, but I admitted that I will to prove that I am something. It is not that I have nothing, someday you’ll see me. If I’ve achieved my dreams, I’ll show you that this pity girl has feeling.

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