This is What I Feel :'(

Assalammualaikum w.b.t..

it is so suddenly when i feel really like to write something here. seriously, its about what i feel right now! betapa pilunya aku rasa bila kakak aku post gamba slip gaji ayah aku..

even if it was 10 years ago! when i was 10, my along was 17, my angah was 14, my eda was 11, my lil sis was 8 and lil bro was waiting another 2 months untok lahir ke dunia :'( just imagine, lima beradik tengah rancak bersekolah.. ibu tengah sarat ngandung.. hmm.. what can i say about 10 years ago.. ibu selalu sakit.. because da lame tak ngandung, and there was a bit complication while pregnancy.. we were taking care of her bergilir-II.. setiap sorang akan PONTENG sekolah dlm seminggu tuh.. and early as 10, aku da belajar camne nak prepare makanan ntok orang sakit. yes, especially for my mum. because of her sickness, setiap makanan kene ikut aturan yg doktor bagi.. ini tak boleh itu tak boleh, just because to maintain her health. aku still ingat, aku selalu buatkan SAMBAL BERANAK (bunyinye memang pelik, tapi sedap!) untok ibu. she liked it very much even it was just a dish that i can prepare well.. just imagine, aku baru 10! berhingus ag kot..

still, i cant even think macamne ayah bole sara kitorang sekeluarga. mungkin orang nampak kitorang neh riuh-rendah tak kire masa.. but who knows, deep in our hearts we kept this big secret! straightly cakap laa kan, susah macamne lagi yg tak pernah kami rasa? yang paling aku ingat.. there was one time bila eletrik uma kene potong.. beberapa hari kitorang bergelap and main dengan lilin. and yes, for sure masa tuh kitorang yang kanak-II neh seronok dapat main api. tapi apa perasaan ayah n ibu?? :'( ya Allah.. belom lagi cite kalau pasal transport. tersangatlah susah.. i just cant say much, tears gonna drop! yang paling aku ingat bila ayah n ibu berhabisan ntok hantar aku sambung belajar dekat MRSM.. ye, sebulan je bertahan pastuh aku berkeras nak balik. situ je da nampak.. aku mang banyak menyusahkan.. and that is why i promised to myself, aku akan balas jasa dorang.. its fine for me! aku mang belajar skang neh ntok dorang.. ape yang aku nak adelah ape yang dorang nak.. ibu n ayah nak sangat aku jadi DOKTOR VET.. insyaALLAH.. kalau berjaya, 4 tahun lagi aku akan bergelar Doktor Vet =) everything is just for them!

there will be no one can replace ibu n ayah dalam dunia neh.. they want for the best to us, and i promised i'll be giving the best in return!! insyaALLAH.. may God helps us..

Foreign vs. Local

Assalammualaikum w.b.t..

Alright. Just like the previous entry, im going to talk about the presentation thing. U know what?? When one of the groups presenting in front, there is a weird one who was sitting on at the back.. Just after that group finished all the slides preapared, that hardly arrogant nonfemale human being came out with his annoying intelectually challenge question.. "why bla.. Bla.. Bla.." the hall was kept in silence mode.. Who was that? We were asking each other.. Why was he asked them rudely.. Why didnt he tried to come out with the question politely? Euww.. Seriously.. We lost respect toward that foreign guy.. He is not really foreign actually. The best part is he is malay too.. Haha.. Its great.. Hahah.. Just to mention here, we are actually really need to respect each other.. No matter where they come from, what color are they, what races are they, what religious believe are they practising.. The only way to strengthen the bond in between us is through this RESPECTFUL side.. Thats is called ethics, morals and values..

Poster Presentation

Assalammualaikum..

Yes.. Currently, have just finished my presentation. It is the biggest one actually. And for sure, preparation is there and we r just doing it all out.. But, it is such a crap when i pronounced KALUI weirdly. Hahaha.. Seriously, i dont even noticed it and they laughed all over the hall.. Hahah.. But, do i care? Huhu.. Basically, we passed the presentation one by one and when the time comes for me to present.. Hahah.  i dont know what im talking about actually.  hahah.. Then they laughed.. What the heck is that.. Uneventually, i asked them "salah ke".. Oupss.. Fortunately it is not our STEPMOTHER lecture class. If not, my gad.. I would have fined for talking in FOREIGN LANGUAGE. Heh.. For y'll information, talking in your mother tongue which is MALAY is extremely restricted. It is considered as a foreign language.. The only one that we can use while communicating is OMPUTEH.. hahah.. Ouhh crap.. KALUI KALUI KALUI.. HAHHA.. alright.. Clearly, its my bad.. Wkaka..

rambut sama hitam, hati lain-II..

Assalammualaikum w.b.t..

Dah lame tak ngeUPDATE ini BELOG.. yes, rendu sesangat nak MENAEP panjang-II lebor.. ahaa (Nampak tak keJOHORan tersebut).. hehee.. actually, if i FEEL some kind of feelings baru laa ade MOOD nak menaep-II neh.. and for sure this time i have something to write.. not much, just a little bit from what i have been through these past few days.. GEMBIRA tahap KRITIKAL, SEDIH tahap GULING-II, TERKEJUT tahap SAKIT JANTUNG, RISAU tahap MIGRAIN.. sesume laa senang cite.. huhu

We go through one by one laa senang.. first, daripada apa yang aku AMATI.. (cehh, bahasa SANSKRIT gitu).. i noticed something.. its a common sense laa.. setiap orang ade PERANGAI sebegitu.. but for me, jangan laa OBVIOUS sangat kan? Erkk.. it is actually SOMETHING like this.. “mintak TOLONG boleh??”.. “haruslah boleh”.. (berikan sebaik mungkin).. but when the other time comes.. “wehweh.. mintak TOLONG boleh? EMERGENCY nehh”.. “boleh TAPI bla bla bla.. kesimpulannya, TAK BOLEH laa”.. ahaha.. get me??

Next one.. KIRA.. it is totally not CALCULATION theory or what else.. but BERKIRA.. tak kesah laa kalau nak berkira pon, tapi bila SUSAH tahu pulak cari kita kan.. nak taknak TOLONG laa jugakk.. Cuma aku PELIK siket ar.. aku neh takda laa BAGUS mana, nak cakap aku BAIK mang jauh sekali laa.. tapi, aku tak adalah sampai BERKIRA sangat dengan dot dot dot tuh.. tapi KENAPA turn dea~ beliau sangatlah suka melakukan OPERASI tambah tolak darab bahagi.. aishh ==’’

Bila aku dah BESAR nanti, (perghh, ayat SEDAPkan hati.. kalau tengok SAIZ memang KECIK sangat -__-‘’).. aku harap tak jadik seperti mereka-II.. its quite hurting whenever i think about that.. just imagine, someone who we think could help us in a tight situation.. but refused to do what we asked~ 

stop behaving like this FARAH~

Assalammualaikum w.b.t~ 

please answer my SALAM first before PROCEED throughout the paragraph.. cehh =..= since studying GENERAL WRITING SKILLS nehh, buat ayat pom macam tules FORMAL belaka.. HAHAH.. adakah saya telah menjadik budak SKEMA yang NERD? euww~ hepp.. back to the main point yeahh.. now~ i don't know what's wrong with myself.. i feel like want to compete with   them laa.. hmm.. SAINGAN yang sihat ape salahnye kan? yes yes yes, YOU CAN DO IT farah~ i know myself, just put more effort on it!! GAMBATE..

actually, i've done THREE papers for the SECOND test.. for the first subject we've took, my result is quite impressive but i don't really satisfied with the one i got.. i have to achieve more and more.. hehehe.. SEMANGAT tuh penting laa.. then, PASSION menyusul.. huhuhu.. but but but, aku neh CAKAP jekk.. mula-II semangat ar, tapi da lelame hilang pula KESEDARANNYA.. wkakaka.. nway, even if i only have that little KESEDARAN dalam diri walaupun sekecil ZARAH~ it is better than i have nothing kan?? haha.. SEDAPkan hati je pom..

hari neh, penad~ jadik TOUR GUIDE ke GEMPAK STARZ punye office.. but seriously, what can i describe about them is that they are really AWESOME!! its kinda good feeling when being the first person to enter their new gallery.. they didn't even launch their gallery yet but we have the opportunity to get into it~ HAHAH.. mohon jangan JELES dengan anak PEREMPUAN encik KHALID number 4 nehh =) saya tahu saya menJENGKELkan, tapi tapi tapi.. ade saya KESAH? saya tahu anda-II jeles.. HAKHAKHAK.. (takpayah nak buat muka SERIUS sangat laa!!)

this is the last paragraph of my writing today, PERASAN takk? hari neh aku sangat banyak menCARUTkan diri dengan meNULIS perkara yang BUKAN-II.. i mean, cerita aku sangat berTERABUR.. hahaha.. i've got that feeling of updating my BLOG.. but, my mind was so BLURR.. why arr? okeoke, sume SALAH exam kan~ hahaha.. semua orang akan HILANG MOOD dan BERUBAH apabila EXAM datang.. (kan dear SHAREZZA?) hahaha :p oke fine, ayat SERAMPANG DUA MATA sebenarnye.. HAHAHA

wassalam~

The Old Days

In the month of May (2011)

We met for the first time, but I really didn’t recognize people around me. Not even the persons I shared my place with, I couldn’t even remember the names. Simply shouted out their names, hoping they will give a big smile to me. But I know I really need to know well the place. I really have to befriend with the things that I’m used to be someday. Live my life in a different way when I was not on my parent’s sight anymore. Thinking of the best way to carry on living like I have nothing was too bad for the beginner like me. Wishing for some guidance but I was so proud to be that independent girl in the weird land. Just giving some hopes for the one that I leaved for a meantime. It’s hurting me a lot but everything is going to be alright as I let the time goes by. From the first sight, maybe that little lovey-dovey feeling had been felt by him. Not too serious in making conclusion, but as he knew that I had someone else before, that feeling was no longer important at all. Keep that in mind, I was not alone and you were not came by yourself. We both know that we could not know anything regarding to ourselves alone. Don’t overplayed or else you’ll get in trouble. You played it slow, you didn’t think overacted as you know you’ll get what you desired. Thanks to you, that hard-headed human being was not longer in solid mind, but the way she thinks about you can make you feel damn good. No, we were not meant to be together in this month because we still have a long journey to go through. Stop thinking of something not yours, thinking of the way to make it yours as you will know the real life.

In the month of April (2012)

The start of something new, stops stalking that little girl as you were closing to the final destination. Making confession is something good but you have to find for the right time. Confession you’ve made need a ‘yes’ answer in return to make you get the satisfaction to the fullest. I know myself, you know yourself but you don’t know me and I don’t know you. Everything changed when I was keep on silence, no words no feedbacks no jokes no more laughing out loud. The way you stared at me, making me lost my breath. It feels damn hurt but it is not a big deal. You came to me, tried to be nice with me, made us avoid the gap between us and at last the girl could feel what you feel. You lifted the white flag too early, but it was not a big problem for that girl. No matter what, I will assure you are going to be mine. If it is not too late, let’s break the brick in between and build the love. We created our own memories somewhere, no matter what that moment will always keep in my mind. It’s been a long time you didn’t give her a short sentence, it really fine for that girl. She noticed the differences on you, no more texting, no more calling, no more winking, there’s nothing for her. Dear love, she loves you as much as you love her. Stop dreaming of your old mindset, ‘’she is not the right one for you’’. Let’s find a place for us to love each other, a place where no one could break us apart, and a place for only you and me. He is the one who be ‘a perfect dream’ for that girl.

In the month of September (2012)

Still can’t believe, you and me could be together again. After we’ve been through the hardest time, brokenhearted makes you cautiously beware with the same girl. Only a slight wrong step, everything was getting complicated. No solution, being far apart was the best way and the last choice. Hoping for the luck to come, unfortunately there was no space for any other opportunity. Still searching for the suitable time to get back to you, but still you were standing on your own. You are not mentally traumatized, but you can’t even accept me back. I don’t care what you think; I’ll put an effort to have you back dear. Every single step I’ve took, the only thing that I thought only you. How far would you go, how long would you stand? I’ve put aside all the shame, I’ve leaved behind all the brokenhearted, and the only thing now was to find the way to get back to you. Dreaming of being with the one that I loved the most was not weird thing for me anymore. Be my routine as I keep on thinking about that guy. Hoping for someone to lend his ears when I was in trouble, sometimes it hurts me a lot when he didn’t even give me some space to pamper myself. This girl knows how to control herself in front of people, but who knows how hard it was feels? Just pretending like he was there for me even if he was not for me at all, pretending can give me such a relief damn good feeling. When I’ve tried to lift my white flag, he came to me and made a confession. Dear you, there will always a room for your love in my heart even it is way too deep inside me. I will never bury that chance and it is only for one person. When I see the chance in between us, I was so glad. I’m speechless; the only thing that I can say is that I do really love you.

In the month of November (2012)

.....................................................................