Masak Rasa Air Basuh Kaki

Bismillah.

So harini iols masak dinner, since i am feeling well sowhy not la masak kan? lagipun dah berbulan tk masak, sebab tk larat mabuk teruk pregnant ni. now dah 5 bulan, i am getting better! semalam en husband keep on telling me nak makan asam pedas. well asam pedas ni, dah 2 3 kali jugak masak. on the very try, seriously entah apa rupa dia. cair mair! yg paling tk boleh go, en husb telan aje. at that moment i asked him how was it? pandai en husb tipu. he said, dah okay dah ni, first try. hahahahaha

so when i made it for the second time, haruslah improving kan. hahaha barulah en husb jujur, katanya first time iols masak tu failed habis. rasa air basuh tangan! kahkahkah so for today, aku memang lama gila berperang kt dapur. dengan bunyik bertukang orang rumah sebelah (tengah renovation), seriously tk boleh fokus. siap text kakak tanya kene letak kunyit ke tak. hahahaha parah weh dah lama tak masuk dapur. so iols pn buat buat la chill. masak jela mcm biasa.

but turned out semua benda tk betul. tengah menumis utk masak kangkung goreng, terhangus sikit la pulak. bila dah masuk sayur, ter overcooked la pulak. aduhai macam macam lah. masak asam pedas paling challenging, confident aje aku. tgh tumis pun terhangus sikit, kahkahkah. takpe kita adjust bagi cun, boh itu boh ini. so bila siap tanya lah en husb dia nak makan dinner lepas maghrib o isyak, so he said after isyak.

sementara dia ke masjid untuk isyak, iols pun adjust adjust la sikit resepi dengan harapan miracle happen. hahahaha goreng la dua ekor ikan selar, boh kunyit n garam bebanyak, fav tu. memang niat takmau makan asam pedas tu, sbb ptg tadi dah makan. serik. hahahahaha so hidang lah bagi cun dengan harapan appearance dapatla tambat hati en husb.

so time makan, seriously berdebor tengok muka en husb. first suapan, then he smiled. dah boleh agak senyuman tu hahaha. then i asked, how is it. he said, rasa macam asam pedas first time dulu. hahahahhaha demmm. and i guess this one bukan rasa air basuh tangan kot, ni rasa air basuh kaki. kikiki sorry la en husb, tak sengaja. tak fokus. janji esok isteri masak sesedap for breakfast and dinner ok! but husband will always be husband, dia tetapjugak telan isteri dia masak. haha sweet kan! 

its okay, esok kita makan special okay. love you muahhhhh

Shit Happens

Bismillah..
Assalammualaikum..

So today is quite a tough day. Maybe it is my fault for being kuat bebel, but my intention is pure. I just want to make sure that everything is hygiene and on its place. So guys, just imagine if cat litter box was placed beside dining table. Can u guys imagine?? Dengan lantai yg kemain bergedih, seriosly GELI! so when I said dont ever put that shit on that place anymore, no one understand why. and i am so done with this!

What even worst? Bila kita tegur, tapi dia libatkan benda lain. and manusia tersebut mengaitkan dengan benda yg tkde kene mngena. okay im so done with this. im off! plus, orang yg aku harapkan pn tk mampu nak tolong aku apeape. penatlah. i am damn tired! dengan kata aku macam macam. seriously aku penat. i just want to live my life in a beautiful way, tp mustahil.

so today, i was so excited preparing stuff untuk my husband as he went back from outstation. but masa tengah buat kerja, i am late for maghrib prayer. it was just 10 minutes late. then what he said really disappointing me. all I do is to make him happy. but then he really let me down. he said, i was meringan-ringankan solat. hmmm

I should be more tough next time, maybe.

Naluri Seorang Wanita

Bismillah..

It's been a long time, thing has changed, a lot. And I am married, not to the man that I dated for 5 wasted years. I am blessed to be the wife of Ahmad Nawawi Razali. So I would say, 2018 marks the 2nd year of knowing each other. And I am glad to tell that we got married last year, on the day that I was born (14th October). And the best thing happened in life, I am mummy-to-be. So my due will be January next year, InshaAllah. There is more to tell for the past two years, but I am more drive to talk about other things.

Is it me or other women do have the same feelings as I do? Right after the proposal, I have promised to myself that he will only be the one. Loving him like no other, like the way he did. Thanking him for accepting me the way I am. Even until this moment, all I do is to make him happy, and be sure that we will reach the Jannah together. I hope I changed a lot, for better. And I am happy now, for who I am, I dont expect that this could be so soon.

But, there are things that keep me pushed aside. I hate this feeling, but I cant avoid. I know, I shouldnt look back in time. The moment when he asked me to be his wife, I should know that he has sacrificed his everything to me. Yes I should remember that! But, I always want to know every single things behind his back. I mean, I want to tun back time. And day by day, I was like coming near to the truth. And I hope one day, I get the answer for everything.

Mama-to-be :) 

6th March 2015

Bismillah..

Assalammualaikum..

A new day without beloved ayah :( can I live like this? aku dah anak yatim. Emosi.. tersangat tak stabil. Me either, I cannot control or expect my emotional status. ade je yang jadi mangsa.. especially him -_- and this lately, i'm just being to sensitive with people's doing. entahlah, aku pun tk faham dengan diri sendiri.. sebab masih merasa kehilangan kot.. okay laa, let's not to talk abt it..

last week weekend, pergi kuar dengan si dia. having big big gaduh.. seingat aku lah, dah lama sebenarnya tak bergaduh.. hahaha and it happened again. and, for the second time we had argument on last wednesday. i was so so excited to go out with him. unfortunately, things happened as unplanned. it's okay. may be cause of my own faults. aku punya la stress, rupanya dia boleh bsenang lenang melepak. hahaha tu namanya aku syok sendiri. bila aku text him, he replied me. and acting just so fine. okay, what's going on exactly? hahaha

7th October 2015

Bismillah..

Busy sangat this lately. Lots of things happened in my life. I learned about pain a lot. I really do feel like I am just, a small person. A small one who people don't really care, don't care at all. They don't see me as a real in whole. What should I do to change their perception? What should I do? I am not asking to be outstanding, I am not asking for people to love me. I just want to be myself. Most of the time, I failed to prove to them that I am something. Why? Am I lived in a safe place all this while? Am I? It just, feeling so hurt to know they are labeling u as no one. I should be able to face this, this isn't the first time. I have felt a lot more back then. 

I felt disappointed to know people around me ignored my thoughts. Why? Is it because I'm not performed well in studies? Is it because I am not as clever as they are? Ya Allah, please help me going through this. Please Ya Allah. I felt this for the second time. Ya Allah please help me, I just can't take it anymore. For the whole class today, I was so embarrassed as no one was taking my thoughts at the very first place. Am I not applicable enough to say out loud my thought? things that I know? Ya Allah, please give me chance to prove that I can. Please give me your guide. Please help meimprove everything. Please always be by my side. 

Coretan Buat Ayah.

Assalammualaikum ayah.. 

Fara baru sampai kolej.. Jasad kat sini, tp hati tkde kt sini pun.. Teringatkan ayah.. Farah tk boleh sunyi, farah ingat kt ayah.. Farah rindu ayah.. Terbayang bayang wajah ayah masa ayah terlantar atas katil masa tu.. Masa ayah sakit, masa ayah dah tkde.. Tenang.. Tenang tk ayah kt sana? Ayah jangan fikirkan kami sangat ye.. InshaAllah kami boleh teruskan perjalanan hidup ni.. Sebagaimana yg ayah impikan.. InshaAllah.. Farah macam tak boleh terima, kekadang bila farah teringat.. Atas surat mati, atas sijil kematian tu tertulis nama ayah.. Ye, nama ayah kesayangan farah.. Farah tknak, farah tk boleh trima.. Kenapa ayah? Terlalu awal.. Khalid bin Tukiman.. Sampai bilabila pn farah bangga bawa nama ayah.. Farah bangga berbinti kan nama ayah.. Farah bangga.. Farah syg ayah..

Coretan Buat Ayah..

Ayah.. Farah tktahu, farah rindukan ayah sangat.. Sangat rindu.. Farah selalu lupa solat, abaikan tanggungjawab sebagai seorang muslimah.. Ayah mesti kecewa dengan farah kan? Bukan ayah tk didik kami, ayah da buat yg terbaik.. Tapi kami sendiri yang lalai.. Didikan ayah tkda yg cacat celanya, ayah yg terbaik.. Ayah paling baik.. 

Tapi tadi, hati farah terdetik.. Apa bekalan ayah kt sana? Sedangkan anak anak ayah sedap tidur, ayah datang jenguk kami dan pulang tanpa apa apa.. Farah sedih.. Farah mampu bacakan fatihah dan yaasin je.. Farah sedih.. Tk dapat lawat ayah selalu kat sana.. Sampaikan farah rasa mcm nak ikut ayah.. Ikut ayah pergi sana.. Farah rindu ayah sangat.. Kesian ayah, kena tanggung dosa kami.. Terlalu banyak.. Dann.. Farah perasan.. Ayah tk tunjuk tanda pun yg ayah nak tinggalkan kami.. Kenapa ayah? Besar cabaran yg ayah bg pada kami.. Ayah nak uji kasih sayang kami ke ayah? 

Kesian ayah.. Kami selalu tk hiraukan ayah.. Bila ayah da takde, baru nak menyesal.. Macam farah.. Bila ayah ada, tak pernah kisahkan ayah pun. Keluar bseronok tinggalkan ayah sesorang.. Kalau farah tahu ayah akan pergi secepat ni, farah takkan abaikan ayah mcm yg farah buat dulu.. Farah menyesal sangat.. Farah anak jahat.. Kan ayah? Kesian ayah.. Ayah datanglaa selalu.. Farah dapat rasakan ayah ada kt sini.. Farah nak peluk ayah.. Peluk ayah kuatkuat.. Sebab farah rindu.. 

Coretan Buat Ayah..

18 Februari 2015

Alhamdulillah, farah dapat jaga ayah.. Walaupun sekejap, Allah bagi peluang farah jaga ayah.. Yela, farah kan da lama tk jumpa ayah.. Ya Allah, tsangat rindu dengan ayah.. Tapi, dalam masa farah jaga ayah farah da buat dosa paling besar.. Besar sangat, sampai farah rasa ayah pergi sebab dosa farah.. Ya Allah.. Keadaan ayah makin teruk masa tu.. Keluar benda coklat dari mulut ayah, ya Allah.. Sedih sangat farah tengok.. Ayah jadi camtu sebab ayah tengok anak anak ayah ke? Ayah tengok farah buat ape ke? Ya Allah.. Takutnya.. Farah menyesal.. Farah berdosa sangat kt ayah.. Farah mintak ampun dengan ayah.. 

Ayah tengah bertarung nyawa, tapi farah fikirkan diri sendiri.. Farah mintak ampun dengan ayah.. Mesti ayah benci farah kan? Farah tahu, farah memang salah.. Farah banyak buat salah dengan ayah.. Farah rindu ayah.. Pagi tadi jam 4 pagi, farah datang tengok ayah.. Ayah tahu tk? Farah tgk ayah.. Hati farah tk sanggup.. Malam sebelum tu farah tk boleh tido, teringatkan ayah.. Farah menangis.. Sebab farah banyak sangat dosa dengan ayah.. Farah tknak ayah pergi tinggalkan kami.. Farah belum mampu terima.. Bila ayah pergi, farah terkedu.. 

Kenapa Allah pinjamkan insan sebaik ayah sementara je.. Kenapa terlalu sekejap.. Hurmmm tapi farah bsyukur.. Ayah pergi bila farah ada.. Farah syg ayah sangat.. Farah dapat cium dahi ayah, bahagia sangat.. Farah dapat pegang tangan ayah, ayah da kaku.. Ayah da tk bernyawa..  Ayah da sejuk, farah tk percaya ayah tinggalkan kami.. Tapi ayah jgn risau sebab kami semua da redha.. Allah lagi sayang ayah.. Semoga ayah tenang disana..

Mimpi Jadi Kenyataan?

Bismillah..

Lama sungguh tak menulis, as I'm just too busy dealing with classes and bunch of tests in three consecutive weeks. orang lain dok sebok bersosial, bergembira, berjimba.. but aku? tersangkut dengan segala tests! it's okay, cause it really challenges my skills. hahaha and now, got no mood at all to study.. dah rabu, yet i didn't get any inputs yet and final will be starting next week.. or i should change my method of studying? i'm running out of time tho.. ermmm and this is not the thing that i want to talk about.. 

well ptg tadi, aku tido.. tido yg sangat lama. and it comes to a big whole of journey of mimpi.. haha over! entahlah, lately ni asyik mimpi kene kahwin je.. why? i think, i'm not ready to get married, but i'm so in love with babies and kids. sebab anak buah semua aku yang jaga, merasa jadi mummy walaupun belum masanya. last time, there's one guy fell in love with me because he saw me treating my nieces. dia cakap, i'm her type! haha nonsense..

okay back to the point. dalam mimpi aku ni..

i met one guy. i didn't know him, and he's from a rich family. i treated him like no one, but it went serious when he loves me. hahahah macam drama siottt :3 and, i do like him. and we both fall in love. his parents also nice and treat me like their daughter. i helped that guy doing charity works where we sell novels and things during our free time. aku pon banyak terpengaruh dengan novel, so i love to sell the books! we did it. but at that time, i didn't know that he has abang. after awhile, i met his abang. and i do treat him like ABANG! my brother-in-law laaa.. his abang ni duda, got sorang anak perempuan yg super duper cute. as i mentioned, i'm crazy about cute babies and kids. 

yang aku tkpaham, anak abg tu sangat baik dengan aku. behaving good whenever around me. tu yg aku suka, aku tak suka budak yg nakal. hahahah even in reality pun, i'm not ready to get married but i'm sooooo ready to have a baby. so anak org pon aku treat mcm anak sendiri. kikiki dalam mimpi aku tu, abang my boyfriend to treat me like hell.. like aku tk wujud.. it's okay cause aku bukan nak dia! aku nak adik dia.. hahahaahah so, juts go with it, and i don't give a damn la. hahahah and here it comes, dia (abang tu) nak jumpa my whole family. he invited my family to have big dinner together. we went to restoran tepi laut and melantak seafood. hahaha orang belanja, apa lagi..

and during makan-II tu, berbual-II la.. aku pelik sebenarnya pasaipa dia ajak jumpa family aku ngan family dia.. boyfriend aku pon ade. and macam biasa, anak abang tu berkepit dengan aku jelah. hahahahah and abang tu started to say a word. he said to my mum and dad. 'makcik, pakcik.. saya nak kawen dengan anak makcik'.. and i was likeee............ :3 tersedak lar! yang aku tahu, dia kenal aku sorang dlm adik-beradik. yes, dia maksudkan aku.. i was like, what??? dahlah layan aku macam ape, dia tu garang! taknak aku.. 

and the discussion ongoing, at last dapat kata sepakat. i have to marry that guy. ABANG nya bukan ADIK! and that adik izinkan aku kawen dengan abangnya.. bersebab. bila aku sendiri jumpa that abang, he explained to me why.. he knows that i will be a good mother to his baby.. ibu baby dah tkde.. and she should be replaced, as the baby grows up kan. and that abang won't live longer :( he got chronic disease which he may end up living for a short time. he said, i shouldn't be worried because i just need to be a good mother. once he died, i can marry his adik. hahahah gilossss

and that abang pon kaya, workaholic. kesenangan untuk ditinggalkan pada baby.. huhu and at last.. i marry him... 

tu diaaa ceghita mengarutnya kahkahkah

Kita Diamkan Je :)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Assalammualaikum wbt..

People changed. Everything changed. Even if u claimed, that u will never change. But one fine day, u will.. hahaha mulalah tu nk mengarut.. well, I'm all alone now. Staying alone in a room, in a house, in a wing and in a block I guess.. bahaha perasan sgt letuw~ and now, tinggal sehari je nak habiskan midsem break. I was doing nothing this holiday.. okay laa, jumaat until selase I was having a camp for juniors, being a facilitator kau~ hebat tk? and what did I get from the camp? yehaaa, muka yg hitam legam! well said, aku pon tk sanggop nak pandang diri sendiri dekat cermin.. kahkahkah and there's only one thing that I can say abt the camp, HAVOC!!! tersangat best sebenarnya.. eventho at first, feeling sooooo stress~ tk cukup tidur, penat, lapar.. sesemua laa~ but at the end of the day, dapat mcm-II lessons (cehhhh)

ok, tuka topik plak.. sekarang, aku punya life dah lain.. sebab ape? sebab roommate aku dah buakn kawan aku.. yet she said, imma good friend.. she loved to be friend with me once.. ONCE~ but now, everything changed. bila? when she started to ignore me, treated me like i was nothing.. like i have no pride, lose of respect! sorry to say.. aku tersangat terkilan, terhina and sedih.. yups, salah kecik yg aku buat yet she treated me like a piece of shit. memang, pakaian tk menggambarkan hati seseorang..biarlah aku yg dipandang keji oleh golongan alim ulamak sekalipun, tapi ibu ayah tk ajar aku tk hormat perasaan org lain~ jangankan hubungan dengan Allah je elok, tp dengan manusia? sorry to say, i won't forget what she did. terhina! its okay my dear, i'll show u what i have.. u asked for it.. we'll see how we will survive this three more years..

again, orang yg sama. buat aku rasaa down.. again, pasal MPIV.. aku tahu, aku memang TAK LAYAK nak ikut korang buat program agama, buat program ilmu, sebab apa? sebab aku tk mcm korang.. kan? dari first year aku dilayan macam smpah.. depan-II kau buat aku macam sampah! teruk sangat ke aku? yes, people won't understand for what the shit i'm talking about.. its about HER who treated perempuan yg tak pandai ilmu agama mcm aku, as piece of crap! kekadang aku terfikir, kenapa ada manusia yg macam ni? sebab apa? mungkin sebab da sure masuk syurga or something? sokey, aku tk salahkan kau~ mungkin salah aku sebab tk reti ilmu agama macam KAU! 

Something To Remember..

Bismillah..

Assalammualaikum.. 

Hehe, see what this girl is trying to do? She changed her mind from doing her practical report, and now~ updating new entry.. nice one Farah.. hahaha its okay la i guess.. cuti still got one more month, so aku rasa sempat sgt nak siapkan dua report yg tak seberapa panjang tu.. hahahah time macam ni, siapa je yang ade mood nak buat report? hahah its time to melaghakan diri.. bahaha :P bukan apa, sebenarnya aku terasa satu beban.. beban atas bahu, atas kepala.. semua la~ terasa sangat-II berat and i just cant take it anymore.. maybe its time to make things clear! clear to each one who decided to interfere with my life..

yes, who knows.. dulu, i was nothing.. no one could see me as the way i am.. no one because im just the ordinary girl.. takde apa yg dapat dibanggakan.. but now it may look different.. and its not the main point here.. its all about my life, my heart.. i hv said million times, i will only love him.. and i just cant stop loving him.. no matter what happen, yes i cant see other people.. im blinded by his love.. 

Sebab Aku Jeles~

Bismillah..

Assalammualaikum wbt.. harini, aku nak buats atu confession. Well it isn’t really a confession, its more likely as luahan hati.. yes.. pasal JPA.. obviously.. and honestly, aku kecewa bila tk dapat biasiswa JPA.. yang org kejar-II kan yang org agung-IIkan.. jangan tipu diri sendiri, semua org nak dapat biasiswa.. kau kaya tinggi langit pon kau apply.. I have some friends who got JPA tapi dah kaya dah sebenarnya..

Ye memang aku jeles. Salah ke kalau aku nak jeles? Sebab apa aku jeles? Banyak sebabnya.. tak siapa yg akan tahu.. and currently im having PTPTN.. thanks god, ade PTPTN.. walaupun ramai yg cakap PTPTN ni tipu, makan duit org, lintah darat and blab la bla.. I don’t care at all.. why? Because PTPTN lah yg bantu aku sambung belajar sampai peringkat ni.. you want  a free education fee? Go to hell.. sudah terang lagi bersuluh, ni Negara membangun.. tak perlu compare with any other Negara maju..

Plus, with PTPTN also I don’t need to ask money from my parent. History and background of my family.. ayah aku, pemegang kad OKU.. kudung sebelah kaki.. kau rase dia mampu nak sara keluarga aku yg besar? Yes my two sisters dah bekerja.. tapi tanyalah dorang keje ape? Bukan engineer, bukan doctor, bukan lawyer.. aku faham situasi mereka.. dah bekeluarga.. takkan masih nak tanggung aku sekeluarga? Anak perempuan, dah bekeluarga sendiri. Mampu ke nak tanggung dua keluarga besar sekaligus?

Ibu, sekarang dah bekerja. Tanyalay kerja apa? Pembantu kemas.. tanyalah pulak gaji berapa.. 600RM sebulan. Kau rasa dapat buat apa je? Kesian ibu, selama ni terpaksa tahan perasaan nak memiliki apa-II.. anak membesar, ramai.. 6 orang semuanya.. memang takde kesempatan nak fikir diri sendiri.. its all about anak and anak.. bila semua dah besar, dugaan anak-II nak belajar pulak.. ayah jatuh sakit lagi.. that’s why ibu is working herself now..

Balik pada sebab apa aku jeles? Sebab aku budak pinjaman. Makan kene sekat, kalau tak aku tkkan survive sampai hujung sem.. nak keluar kene tahan.. that’s good. But compare to those JPA’s holder.. duit bukan buat belajar sangat pon.. pergi berjalan, melancong, makan, lepak, membazir.. sorry to say.. I saw that myself.. aku perlu jeles. Nak buat praktikal pon kene fikir sepuluh kali, tempat mana. Duit berapa. Aku hina.

Kena aku jeles? Dah lebih tiga aku mohon JPA. CGPA aku bukan tk lepas. Mungkin ada yg lebih cemerlang. I take it as a reason. But. Yang dah dapat tu, sorry to say. Kau maintain tk pointer kau? Patotnya kau perform better than I do. But? Ask yourself. Aku takdelah hebat mana, tahap ayam-II je. Sesuai la sebab aku budak pinjaman. Kau? Setiap sem dapat 6 7 ribu, kau buat ape? Beli handphone baru tiap kali model baru keluar? Tapi pointer? Kelaut jugak~ sorry to say. Sebab ape? Sebab aku jeles.

Lagi. JPA dah bagi syarat. Kalau kau dah ada tajaan, kau tak layak. TIPU! Its one of the bullshit thing I have ever heard. Why? Sebab mereka selalu menipu! Tak percaya? Orang yang aku kenal, sangat rapat! Dia dah ade biasiswa, tapi tk cukup. Tk bsersyukur mungkin. Apply JPA, dan dapat! Mungkin rezeki dia. Tapi, kenapa? Tak cukup dengan  rezeki terdahulu? Sebab apa aku kesah? Sebab aku jeles. Semua dah aku buat. Rayuan. Lecturer pon bagi surat sokongan. Bil-II perubatan ayah. Dan segalanya. Kenapa? Sebab aku tak boleh jadi bagus?

Bersyukurlah kepada sesiapa yang terasa~ Allah dah bagi peluang, rezeki. Tak semua dapat macam kau, aku contohnya. Sakit rasanya, tiap kali dikecewakan. Tak sanggup. Sehinggakan pointer yang aku maintain tiap sem jatuh. Sebab apa? Sebab kau. 

Jari Terasa Ringan Nak Menaip! :)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Assalammualaikum wbt..

lama betul tk update entry, hahaha.. well, i'm so busy laa this lately *mengalahkan Kak Rosmah* bahaha :D anyway, i'm on my longggggg holiday, seriously too long.. three months of semester break and i have nothing to do.. duduk rumah.. last week, habis practical.. if i'm not mistaken laa.. bila cuti ni, jam pukul berapa, hari ape, tarikh ape semua aku taktau.. just terperuk dalam rumah, habiskan masa baca novel on the day sampai la ke buka.. kalau anak ibu ni rajin ikutlah ibunye ke terawih.. kalau tk, marathon drama kegemaran la~ 

now, its time to think about benda yang remeh-temeh.. and guess what? i hv started to think abt those crapy things.. and itu adalah salah satu perlakuan untuk mendapat headache percuma.. yeah!! -_- serious aku pening, and sangat runsing.. kekadang aku rase, cerita aku ni lagi menarik drpd jalan cerita sebuah novel, hahaha.. perasan sangat jemah! bukan ape, tlalu rumit. its so complicated, kata omputeh.. obviously laa, my heart belongs to someone~ siapa lagi kalau bukan abang sado tu. but still, two men keep on trying to win over my heart. sorry, i just cant! i cant gv any chances to them. sebaik mana pun mereka, aku tak mampu. 

yes, aku takut kalau jalan yg aku pilih sekarang ni salah. i mean, boleh bahagia ke aku nanti? no one knows what will happen in the future. so, i decided to put my trust on him. yes, biasalah lumrah kehidupan ada turun naik.. so aku percaya, even if aku chose rezza as my someone in the future, there must be up and down. so, i will take the risks! i dont have any intention to start over something, something like love. do i need to stop loving person that i love, just to gv another one chance to be by my side? nope, i dont think so. and i know, rezza loves me as much as i love him. why? its between me and him. 

walaupun kekadang tu macam dingin, tapi biasalah kan. and i can see his improvement, dia dah pandai kawal keadaan. that what i mean! someone who can control me over something, not the one yg aku control dia. it doesnt mean that aku tk kesah di king control, but im sure. he could be a good leader for me, and for my family soon. entahlah, it just my twenty cent la. yes aku mengaku, aku tk baik mana. and aku tk rasa aku deserve to be with them. u know what i mean~ tu je kot.. daaaaa~

Teman?

Bismillahirrahmanirrhanim..

assalammualaikum..

well, hari ni.. things get better as I acted like nothing was happened. doesnt mean that aku tak ingat dengan kesalahan sendiri. no, i still remember that.. it just the feeling of being leftover. and to be honest with myself, deep down my heart i feel so hurt.. because of my roomate.. yes.. she is.. no matter how hard i tried, i cant hide my sadness.. yes, i hv made a mistake once.. but, siapa kita nak hukum org? siapa!! seriously aku sesangat terkilan.. yang amat.. she treated me so bad.. its been three days we didnt talked to each other.. i hv tried to, but she refused. no, i dont hv the idea y.. because of my mistake? then, are you God to punish me? why you cant be like others? like Maryam? perempuan baik as kawan yg paling baik pernah aku jumpa.. yes, i'm so.. terluka.. its just one thing.. aku taknak mendoakan apa-II, just hope to see you happy.. happy for treating others like they have no feeling.. thanks rummie.. it is most appreciated :')

sincerely,

Farah

Cerita Semalam..

Bismillah..

Assalammualaikum..

Tak pernah rasa seteruk ni.. Ujian.. Masalah berpunca daripada diri sendiri.. aku mengaku.. but people cant accept that, how do I make them terima? impossible kan? then, I deserved it.. its okay.. it is just, my dear sendiri tinggalkan aku sebab kan ni.. im so frustated.. i knew its gonna be happened. its so.. im crying a lot these two days.. sangat.. sakit.. but, no one knows.. they thought that i'm happy for what i hv done.. nak mintak tolong Allah, tapi malu.. perempuan hina ni baru nak ingat Tuhan? and masalah datang bertimpa-II.. i just cant avoid that.. so, no matter how hard it is i have to face it.. 

terasa diri ni taklayak.. nak bergaul, nak berkawan.. and i hv made my decision.. aku tkkan letakkan diri aku macam dulu.. sekarang dah lain.. aku dah taklayak nak bkawan dengan org-II mulia ni.. jauh sangat aku tertinggal.. ye, taklayak!! aku sedar.. and aku akan survive sendiri mulai skang.. i need to.. i need to think for my own future. now, the real life starts! i'm the one who chose the wrong way, and its really killing me.. what to do.. just face it!! kalau dulu, aku ade masalah pon aku tk kesah.. cuz i hv someone behind me.. the one who really gives all his support to me, the one who always makes me strong when i'm down..

actually, apa yg aku rasa sekarang.. dengan kesalahan aku tu.. why, some people act like~ ermmm.. why? tak boleh terima langsung aku buat camtu? terus pulaukan aku? ape ni? siapa diorang ni nak judge aku? terus letakkan aku serendh-rendah manusia? ok then, I take it as a challenge.. there is one pak ustaz bash aku n kawan aku habis-II kat fb.. betul ke cara awak nak tegur tu? betul? dengan malukan kami? thanks a lot, i hope Allah can gv u rewards for your good intention.. but, is that the right way? come on.. jahil-II aku pon takde laa sampai macam tu.. dan the rest. why? sebab hang bertudung litup? aku terbukak sekejap, hang terus pandang aku macam perempuan zaman jahiliah.. camtu?

for your information, aku ade kawan sejak sekolah.. yes, she's wearing hijab whenever she wants. but we hv never treated her like the way you all do.. seriously.. with her outfits, i guesses if she is one of us now~ i could bet that you'll dump her like a bitch!!!!

Kemengarutan di Malam Hari..

Assalammualaikum wbt..

hi yolsssss..

again, studying till late night! shut up, I deserved to be like this. study in the very last minute, padahal ade banyak masa for revision. and I chose this way, padan muka kalau tk dapat jawab. huh :3 and the last post, about pathology test. and abviously, I studied for the same subject tonight but for the third test.. yes, THIRD TEST guys.. well, UPM stands for Universiti Peperiksaan Malaysia.. sangat banyak exam.. if it possible I guess, they will do the test for each consecutive weeks.. and its happening to my course, we got papers each weeks. congrats congrats!

its not about test alone, its about last friday, last saturday, upcoming thursday and upcoming sunday.. wow, so many plans huh? nope.. jumaat lepas, birthday abang saiful and the next day birthday ayah.. this coming thursday, birthday buah hati :D and...... guess what, tak dapat nak celebrate cause I have a paper that day.. bravo! *how did I stuck in this world?* plus, start from tomorrow I will have no much time to spend with him. every night till sunday, got dance practice. yes, ahad dah competition.. please pray for our victory :) excited and takut..

and now, i have so many plans to prepare the birthday present. but, got no money, time and everything.. how!!!!! why!!! can we just postpone his birthday to any other day please?? at least right after the competition and test thingy!! arghhhh I'm stressed -_- actually.. its ok.. nevermind. and now, I'm gonna talk about someone.. its not about my feeling itself, its just how hurt I am. why do people treat others differently? depending on their attire or what? kalau aku ni tak labuh tudung, nape pandang aku jijik sangat? yes, jijik.. why??? hampa baik sangat ye? I know, aku memang tak baik, but at least.. tak boleh ke layan semua orang sama rata? just curious.. no offense..

goodnight world, nak tido.. ngantuk sangat dah.. assalam

My life :3

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.. 

Assalammualaikum wbt..

minggu yg hectic. #eh.. hahhaa minggu test 2.. satu paper dah jawab.. it was Pathology. Guess what??? tak study pon. Arghh good job farah :3 result test satu teruk kot! sampai bila nk mainmain.. ermm actually bukan main.  Yes bukan mainmain.. cuma diri sendiri ni, tk tenang. Stress.. sebab ape? sebab lelaki.. sounds stupid huh? aku mengaku. Buatpa nk stress pasai mereka.. mcm bengong jaa.. oklaa.. lets begin now..

Last month, i met someone. I didnt know him and he didnt know me either. And suddenly, he confessed that he fell in love with me for the first time. Seriously i cant believe it. Ni bukan zaman purba lagi, ke camne? Beriye nak ajak aku kawen.. he's 28 and im just 21. i was thinking, im still young to get married. Yes, too young! tak matang lagi. Hahaha he was like.. forcing me.. yes i feel like i hv been forced to marry him. No way man! let me decide what d best for my own future. Eventho aku sendiri tktau apa yg betul ape yg tak *ayat mcm budak belom mumayyiz* aku paham, dia punya umur.. hahaha must quick to get married. But, if he want to do so please pick up someone else. Not me, totally it shouldnt be me!

At the beginning, aku rase mcm wow! ade org ajak aku kawen. Im so excited! excited je, not more than that. Theres difference between excitation and acceptance. Get me guys? so please dont get misunderstand with my statement. Plus, and now. Everything changed! i dont hv intention to say this. But.. i should say it out loud!! its so.. aku tk suka.. the way he treat me. Aku tk suka.. wehh, we hv nothing laa. Just dont be too good to me. Plus, if now he cant understand my student life, how would he understand me after marriage?? tkkan nak msg 24 hrs. Please laa, aku ade kelas, ade assignment, ade aktivity ade itu ade ini! seriously, i cant take it anymore.. aku rase aku da beritahu yg aku tknak kawen time belajar. Yes im so sure, i hv told him already.. seriously aku rase aku dipaksa.. blerghhh :3

Tu satu masalah, and another one. Ade budak fakulti aku pon propose aku. Gilaa! semua serius.. but guys for your info. Im not ready to have any commitment as a wife.. yes i dont want to get married laa! muda lagi, masih nk enjoy. Masih jauh pjalanan nak kejar cita2.. 

the end. Hahaa

May Allah Ease Everything :)

Bismillah..
Assalammualaikum..

I have never asked to be in this situation,
I have never asked to be in the middle of two,
I hope I can find the way out,
I hope I can just fly out of their minds,
Doubting of the sincerity,
Dissatisfying of the courtesy,
How would I be the right person,
If in the past I were not belong to them..

In just three days,
I will probably make a big mistake,
Mistake of deciding for the future,
Taking me away from the right path,
Subhanallah, MashaAllah..
Or else,
I am heading to His Jannah,
Love that belong to Him,
Chance to feel the true love,
Being loved for dunia wal akhirah,
Alhamdulillah, Wasyukurillah..

May Allah ease everything!

Sincerely,
Farah

Secebis Rasa :)

Bismillah..
Assalammualaikum..

coretan hati menjadi santapan,
bukan meminta-meminta,
bukan menunjuk-nunjuk,
hanya mengharapkan satu keajaiban,
keajaiban dari si Pencipta yang maha Esa..

jalan yang lurus,
jalan yang membawa ku jauh daripada landasan,
jalan yang diredhaiNya,
mahupun jalan kemurkaan,
manakah pilihan hati,
biar sekali terpilih,
tiada berpatah balik..

mungkin dorongan dan sokongan diperlukan,
bantuan si perasa asam garam terdahulu ditagih,
biar sekali merana,
jangan pilihan memberi seribu satu kesengsaraa,
Ya Tuhan,
bantulah hambaMu yang kerdil ini..

Nurkilan hati,
Farah..

Sorry, tapi aku dah putus asa :'(

Assalammualaikum.. ermmm

first day of new semester.. everything changed! and my life is totally changed.. i really cant take it anymore.. i'm quit! why? why it should be me? ya Allah, besar sangat dugaan yg kau bagi.. KEKECEWAAN.. aku dah terlalu banyak kecewa! terlalu banyak! hati aku ni dah mati.. my heart has already died long time ago.. i dont know what it feels.. for hundreds of time, aku kecewa! kekecewaan terbesar bila ramai kawan dapat 2nd intake for JPA's scholarship.. and aku? aku je yg tk dapat! aku bersusah payah buat rayuan segala bagai.. and yet, still i'm not chosen! kenapa? aku dah lepas cgpa yg dorang nak! apa lagi yg tak cukop? keluarga aku dah cukop susah!!! apa lagi yg dorang nak! semuanya buat aku distress! serius, dengan upcoming event lagi.. semua nak pakai duit.. AKU TAKDA DUIT! nak makan pon aku takde duit! it seems like doesnt make a sense, tapi thats my life is actually.. korang semua anak org senang, budak tajaan semua bolehlaa hidup mewah.. takpayah risau nak bayar itu ini.. aku? hutang sana sini.. seriously, i just cant take it anymore!!!

aku ade beritahu, aku tak mampu nak bayar for vet dinner.. and those person in charge~ looking at me like *shut up you bitch, pay for the money and just attend it to support the rest of the classmates!* ermmmm.. aku tkde duit paham tk! duit yg sedia ada ni banyak yg nk kene guna.. aku berhutang sana sini.. hutang tu WAJIB dibayar! ermmmm yups.. dorang tkpaham.. sebab dorang tk rasa susah yg aku rasa.. kan! you guys have a great life.. keep it up! congratulations! but you guys must always remember, not all people got the same life as you do.. salah satunya aku.. hahahahah kenapa aku rasa macam ni?? yes, last time when i did practical, aku terpaksa cagarkan handset aku sebab aku tkde duit nak buat pratical.. susah sangat hidup aku masa tu.. aku tknak mintak ibu ayah sekaligus banyak-II.. aku bukan orang senang macam org lain! and again, organizing event that is compulsory to be attended? mana aku nak carik duit!!!

aku selalu rasa kecik, tersangat kecik! dengan sesape je.. rendah diri sangat.. hina sangat.. aku bersyukur dilahirkan macamni.. keadaan keluarga aku yg bukanlah orang senang.. tapi? please guys, don't treat me like i am one of yours.. please :'(