Mimpi Jadi Kenyataan?

Bismillah..

Lama sungguh tak menulis, as I'm just too busy dealing with classes and bunch of tests in three consecutive weeks. orang lain dok sebok bersosial, bergembira, berjimba.. but aku? tersangkut dengan segala tests! it's okay, cause it really challenges my skills. hahaha and now, got no mood at all to study.. dah rabu, yet i didn't get any inputs yet and final will be starting next week.. or i should change my method of studying? i'm running out of time tho.. ermmm and this is not the thing that i want to talk about.. 

well ptg tadi, aku tido.. tido yg sangat lama. and it comes to a big whole of journey of mimpi.. haha over! entahlah, lately ni asyik mimpi kene kahwin je.. why? i think, i'm not ready to get married, but i'm so in love with babies and kids. sebab anak buah semua aku yang jaga, merasa jadi mummy walaupun belum masanya. last time, there's one guy fell in love with me because he saw me treating my nieces. dia cakap, i'm her type! haha nonsense..

okay back to the point. dalam mimpi aku ni..

i met one guy. i didn't know him, and he's from a rich family. i treated him like no one, but it went serious when he loves me. hahahah macam drama siottt :3 and, i do like him. and we both fall in love. his parents also nice and treat me like their daughter. i helped that guy doing charity works where we sell novels and things during our free time. aku pon banyak terpengaruh dengan novel, so i love to sell the books! we did it. but at that time, i didn't know that he has abang. after awhile, i met his abang. and i do treat him like ABANG! my brother-in-law laaa.. his abang ni duda, got sorang anak perempuan yg super duper cute. as i mentioned, i'm crazy about cute babies and kids. 

yang aku tkpaham, anak abg tu sangat baik dengan aku. behaving good whenever around me. tu yg aku suka, aku tak suka budak yg nakal. hahahah even in reality pun, i'm not ready to get married but i'm sooooo ready to have a baby. so anak org pon aku treat mcm anak sendiri. kikiki dalam mimpi aku tu, abang my boyfriend to treat me like hell.. like aku tk wujud.. it's okay cause aku bukan nak dia! aku nak adik dia.. hahahaahah so, juts go with it, and i don't give a damn la. hahahah and here it comes, dia (abang tu) nak jumpa my whole family. he invited my family to have big dinner together. we went to restoran tepi laut and melantak seafood. hahaha orang belanja, apa lagi..

and during makan-II tu, berbual-II la.. aku pelik sebenarnya pasaipa dia ajak jumpa family aku ngan family dia.. boyfriend aku pon ade. and macam biasa, anak abang tu berkepit dengan aku jelah. hahahahah and abang tu started to say a word. he said to my mum and dad. 'makcik, pakcik.. saya nak kawen dengan anak makcik'.. and i was likeee............ :3 tersedak lar! yang aku tahu, dia kenal aku sorang dlm adik-beradik. yes, dia maksudkan aku.. i was like, what??? dahlah layan aku macam ape, dia tu garang! taknak aku.. 

and the discussion ongoing, at last dapat kata sepakat. i have to marry that guy. ABANG nya bukan ADIK! and that adik izinkan aku kawen dengan abangnya.. bersebab. bila aku sendiri jumpa that abang, he explained to me why.. he knows that i will be a good mother to his baby.. ibu baby dah tkde.. and she should be replaced, as the baby grows up kan. and that abang won't live longer :( he got chronic disease which he may end up living for a short time. he said, i shouldn't be worried because i just need to be a good mother. once he died, i can marry his adik. hahahah gilossss

and that abang pon kaya, workaholic. kesenangan untuk ditinggalkan pada baby.. huhu and at last.. i marry him... 

tu diaaa ceghita mengarutnya kahkahkah

Kita Diamkan Je :)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Assalammualaikum wbt..

People changed. Everything changed. Even if u claimed, that u will never change. But one fine day, u will.. hahaha mulalah tu nk mengarut.. well, I'm all alone now. Staying alone in a room, in a house, in a wing and in a block I guess.. bahaha perasan sgt letuw~ and now, tinggal sehari je nak habiskan midsem break. I was doing nothing this holiday.. okay laa, jumaat until selase I was having a camp for juniors, being a facilitator kau~ hebat tk? and what did I get from the camp? yehaaa, muka yg hitam legam! well said, aku pon tk sanggop nak pandang diri sendiri dekat cermin.. kahkahkah and there's only one thing that I can say abt the camp, HAVOC!!! tersangat best sebenarnya.. eventho at first, feeling sooooo stress~ tk cukup tidur, penat, lapar.. sesemua laa~ but at the end of the day, dapat mcm-II lessons (cehhhh)

ok, tuka topik plak.. sekarang, aku punya life dah lain.. sebab ape? sebab roommate aku dah buakn kawan aku.. yet she said, imma good friend.. she loved to be friend with me once.. ONCE~ but now, everything changed. bila? when she started to ignore me, treated me like i was nothing.. like i have no pride, lose of respect! sorry to say.. aku tersangat terkilan, terhina and sedih.. yups, salah kecik yg aku buat yet she treated me like a piece of shit. memang, pakaian tk menggambarkan hati seseorang..biarlah aku yg dipandang keji oleh golongan alim ulamak sekalipun, tapi ibu ayah tk ajar aku tk hormat perasaan org lain~ jangankan hubungan dengan Allah je elok, tp dengan manusia? sorry to say, i won't forget what she did. terhina! its okay my dear, i'll show u what i have.. u asked for it.. we'll see how we will survive this three more years..

again, orang yg sama. buat aku rasaa down.. again, pasal MPIV.. aku tahu, aku memang TAK LAYAK nak ikut korang buat program agama, buat program ilmu, sebab apa? sebab aku tk mcm korang.. kan? dari first year aku dilayan macam smpah.. depan-II kau buat aku macam sampah! teruk sangat ke aku? yes, people won't understand for what the shit i'm talking about.. its about HER who treated perempuan yg tak pandai ilmu agama mcm aku, as piece of crap! kekadang aku terfikir, kenapa ada manusia yg macam ni? sebab apa? mungkin sebab da sure masuk syurga or something? sokey, aku tk salahkan kau~ mungkin salah aku sebab tk reti ilmu agama macam KAU! 

Something To Remember..

Bismillah..

Assalammualaikum.. 

Hehe, see what this girl is trying to do? She changed her mind from doing her practical report, and now~ updating new entry.. nice one Farah.. hahaha its okay la i guess.. cuti still got one more month, so aku rasa sempat sgt nak siapkan dua report yg tak seberapa panjang tu.. hahahah time macam ni, siapa je yang ade mood nak buat report? hahah its time to melaghakan diri.. bahaha :P bukan apa, sebenarnya aku terasa satu beban.. beban atas bahu, atas kepala.. semua la~ terasa sangat-II berat and i just cant take it anymore.. maybe its time to make things clear! clear to each one who decided to interfere with my life..

yes, who knows.. dulu, i was nothing.. no one could see me as the way i am.. no one because im just the ordinary girl.. takde apa yg dapat dibanggakan.. but now it may look different.. and its not the main point here.. its all about my life, my heart.. i hv said million times, i will only love him.. and i just cant stop loving him.. no matter what happen, yes i cant see other people.. im blinded by his love.. 

Sebab Aku Jeles~

Bismillah..

Assalammualaikum wbt.. harini, aku nak buats atu confession. Well it isn’t really a confession, its more likely as luahan hati.. yes.. pasal JPA.. obviously.. and honestly, aku kecewa bila tk dapat biasiswa JPA.. yang org kejar-II kan yang org agung-IIkan.. jangan tipu diri sendiri, semua org nak dapat biasiswa.. kau kaya tinggi langit pon kau apply.. I have some friends who got JPA tapi dah kaya dah sebenarnya..

Ye memang aku jeles. Salah ke kalau aku nak jeles? Sebab apa aku jeles? Banyak sebabnya.. tak siapa yg akan tahu.. and currently im having PTPTN.. thanks god, ade PTPTN.. walaupun ramai yg cakap PTPTN ni tipu, makan duit org, lintah darat and blab la bla.. I don’t care at all.. why? Because PTPTN lah yg bantu aku sambung belajar sampai peringkat ni.. you want  a free education fee? Go to hell.. sudah terang lagi bersuluh, ni Negara membangun.. tak perlu compare with any other Negara maju..

Plus, with PTPTN also I don’t need to ask money from my parent. History and background of my family.. ayah aku, pemegang kad OKU.. kudung sebelah kaki.. kau rase dia mampu nak sara keluarga aku yg besar? Yes my two sisters dah bekerja.. tapi tanyalah dorang keje ape? Bukan engineer, bukan doctor, bukan lawyer.. aku faham situasi mereka.. dah bekeluarga.. takkan masih nak tanggung aku sekeluarga? Anak perempuan, dah bekeluarga sendiri. Mampu ke nak tanggung dua keluarga besar sekaligus?

Ibu, sekarang dah bekerja. Tanyalay kerja apa? Pembantu kemas.. tanyalah pulak gaji berapa.. 600RM sebulan. Kau rasa dapat buat apa je? Kesian ibu, selama ni terpaksa tahan perasaan nak memiliki apa-II.. anak membesar, ramai.. 6 orang semuanya.. memang takde kesempatan nak fikir diri sendiri.. its all about anak and anak.. bila semua dah besar, dugaan anak-II nak belajar pulak.. ayah jatuh sakit lagi.. that’s why ibu is working herself now..

Balik pada sebab apa aku jeles? Sebab aku budak pinjaman. Makan kene sekat, kalau tak aku tkkan survive sampai hujung sem.. nak keluar kene tahan.. that’s good. But compare to those JPA’s holder.. duit bukan buat belajar sangat pon.. pergi berjalan, melancong, makan, lepak, membazir.. sorry to say.. I saw that myself.. aku perlu jeles. Nak buat praktikal pon kene fikir sepuluh kali, tempat mana. Duit berapa. Aku hina.

Kena aku jeles? Dah lebih tiga aku mohon JPA. CGPA aku bukan tk lepas. Mungkin ada yg lebih cemerlang. I take it as a reason. But. Yang dah dapat tu, sorry to say. Kau maintain tk pointer kau? Patotnya kau perform better than I do. But? Ask yourself. Aku takdelah hebat mana, tahap ayam-II je. Sesuai la sebab aku budak pinjaman. Kau? Setiap sem dapat 6 7 ribu, kau buat ape? Beli handphone baru tiap kali model baru keluar? Tapi pointer? Kelaut jugak~ sorry to say. Sebab ape? Sebab aku jeles.

Lagi. JPA dah bagi syarat. Kalau kau dah ada tajaan, kau tak layak. TIPU! Its one of the bullshit thing I have ever heard. Why? Sebab mereka selalu menipu! Tak percaya? Orang yang aku kenal, sangat rapat! Dia dah ade biasiswa, tapi tk cukup. Tk bsersyukur mungkin. Apply JPA, dan dapat! Mungkin rezeki dia. Tapi, kenapa? Tak cukup dengan  rezeki terdahulu? Sebab apa aku kesah? Sebab aku jeles. Semua dah aku buat. Rayuan. Lecturer pon bagi surat sokongan. Bil-II perubatan ayah. Dan segalanya. Kenapa? Sebab aku tak boleh jadi bagus?

Bersyukurlah kepada sesiapa yang terasa~ Allah dah bagi peluang, rezeki. Tak semua dapat macam kau, aku contohnya. Sakit rasanya, tiap kali dikecewakan. Tak sanggup. Sehinggakan pointer yang aku maintain tiap sem jatuh. Sebab apa? Sebab kau. 

Jari Terasa Ringan Nak Menaip! :)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Assalammualaikum wbt..

lama betul tk update entry, hahaha.. well, i'm so busy laa this lately *mengalahkan Kak Rosmah* bahaha :D anyway, i'm on my longggggg holiday, seriously too long.. three months of semester break and i have nothing to do.. duduk rumah.. last week, habis practical.. if i'm not mistaken laa.. bila cuti ni, jam pukul berapa, hari ape, tarikh ape semua aku taktau.. just terperuk dalam rumah, habiskan masa baca novel on the day sampai la ke buka.. kalau anak ibu ni rajin ikutlah ibunye ke terawih.. kalau tk, marathon drama kegemaran la~ 

now, its time to think about benda yang remeh-temeh.. and guess what? i hv started to think abt those crapy things.. and itu adalah salah satu perlakuan untuk mendapat headache percuma.. yeah!! -_- serious aku pening, and sangat runsing.. kekadang aku rase, cerita aku ni lagi menarik drpd jalan cerita sebuah novel, hahaha.. perasan sangat jemah! bukan ape, tlalu rumit. its so complicated, kata omputeh.. obviously laa, my heart belongs to someone~ siapa lagi kalau bukan abang sado tu. but still, two men keep on trying to win over my heart. sorry, i just cant! i cant gv any chances to them. sebaik mana pun mereka, aku tak mampu. 

yes, aku takut kalau jalan yg aku pilih sekarang ni salah. i mean, boleh bahagia ke aku nanti? no one knows what will happen in the future. so, i decided to put my trust on him. yes, biasalah lumrah kehidupan ada turun naik.. so aku percaya, even if aku chose rezza as my someone in the future, there must be up and down. so, i will take the risks! i dont have any intention to start over something, something like love. do i need to stop loving person that i love, just to gv another one chance to be by my side? nope, i dont think so. and i know, rezza loves me as much as i love him. why? its between me and him. 

walaupun kekadang tu macam dingin, tapi biasalah kan. and i can see his improvement, dia dah pandai kawal keadaan. that what i mean! someone who can control me over something, not the one yg aku control dia. it doesnt mean that aku tk kesah di king control, but im sure. he could be a good leader for me, and for my family soon. entahlah, it just my twenty cent la. yes aku mengaku, aku tk baik mana. and aku tk rasa aku deserve to be with them. u know what i mean~ tu je kot.. daaaaa~

Teman?

Bismillahirrahmanirrhanim..

assalammualaikum..

well, hari ni.. things get better as I acted like nothing was happened. doesnt mean that aku tak ingat dengan kesalahan sendiri. no, i still remember that.. it just the feeling of being leftover. and to be honest with myself, deep down my heart i feel so hurt.. because of my roomate.. yes.. she is.. no matter how hard i tried, i cant hide my sadness.. yes, i hv made a mistake once.. but, siapa kita nak hukum org? siapa!! seriously aku sesangat terkilan.. yang amat.. she treated me so bad.. its been three days we didnt talked to each other.. i hv tried to, but she refused. no, i dont hv the idea y.. because of my mistake? then, are you God to punish me? why you cant be like others? like Maryam? perempuan baik as kawan yg paling baik pernah aku jumpa.. yes, i'm so.. terluka.. its just one thing.. aku taknak mendoakan apa-II, just hope to see you happy.. happy for treating others like they have no feeling.. thanks rummie.. it is most appreciated :')

sincerely,

Farah