Something To Remember..

Bismillah..

Assalammualaikum.. 

Hehe, see what this girl is trying to do? She changed her mind from doing her practical report, and now~ updating new entry.. nice one Farah.. hahaha its okay la i guess.. cuti still got one more month, so aku rasa sempat sgt nak siapkan dua report yg tak seberapa panjang tu.. hahahah time macam ni, siapa je yang ade mood nak buat report? hahah its time to melaghakan diri.. bahaha :P bukan apa, sebenarnya aku terasa satu beban.. beban atas bahu, atas kepala.. semua la~ terasa sangat-II berat and i just cant take it anymore.. maybe its time to make things clear! clear to each one who decided to interfere with my life..

yes, who knows.. dulu, i was nothing.. no one could see me as the way i am.. no one because im just the ordinary girl.. takde apa yg dapat dibanggakan.. but now it may look different.. and its not the main point here.. its all about my life, my heart.. i hv said million times, i will only love him.. and i just cant stop loving him.. no matter what happen, yes i cant see other people.. im blinded by his love.. 

Sebab Aku Jeles~

Bismillah..

Assalammualaikum wbt.. harini, aku nak buats atu confession. Well it isn’t really a confession, its more likely as luahan hati.. yes.. pasal JPA.. obviously.. and honestly, aku kecewa bila tk dapat biasiswa JPA.. yang org kejar-II kan yang org agung-IIkan.. jangan tipu diri sendiri, semua org nak dapat biasiswa.. kau kaya tinggi langit pon kau apply.. I have some friends who got JPA tapi dah kaya dah sebenarnya..

Ye memang aku jeles. Salah ke kalau aku nak jeles? Sebab apa aku jeles? Banyak sebabnya.. tak siapa yg akan tahu.. and currently im having PTPTN.. thanks god, ade PTPTN.. walaupun ramai yg cakap PTPTN ni tipu, makan duit org, lintah darat and blab la bla.. I don’t care at all.. why? Because PTPTN lah yg bantu aku sambung belajar sampai peringkat ni.. you want  a free education fee? Go to hell.. sudah terang lagi bersuluh, ni Negara membangun.. tak perlu compare with any other Negara maju..

Plus, with PTPTN also I don’t need to ask money from my parent. History and background of my family.. ayah aku, pemegang kad OKU.. kudung sebelah kaki.. kau rase dia mampu nak sara keluarga aku yg besar? Yes my two sisters dah bekerja.. tapi tanyalah dorang keje ape? Bukan engineer, bukan doctor, bukan lawyer.. aku faham situasi mereka.. dah bekeluarga.. takkan masih nak tanggung aku sekeluarga? Anak perempuan, dah bekeluarga sendiri. Mampu ke nak tanggung dua keluarga besar sekaligus?

Ibu, sekarang dah bekerja. Tanyalay kerja apa? Pembantu kemas.. tanyalah pulak gaji berapa.. 600RM sebulan. Kau rasa dapat buat apa je? Kesian ibu, selama ni terpaksa tahan perasaan nak memiliki apa-II.. anak membesar, ramai.. 6 orang semuanya.. memang takde kesempatan nak fikir diri sendiri.. its all about anak and anak.. bila semua dah besar, dugaan anak-II nak belajar pulak.. ayah jatuh sakit lagi.. that’s why ibu is working herself now..

Balik pada sebab apa aku jeles? Sebab aku budak pinjaman. Makan kene sekat, kalau tak aku tkkan survive sampai hujung sem.. nak keluar kene tahan.. that’s good. But compare to those JPA’s holder.. duit bukan buat belajar sangat pon.. pergi berjalan, melancong, makan, lepak, membazir.. sorry to say.. I saw that myself.. aku perlu jeles. Nak buat praktikal pon kene fikir sepuluh kali, tempat mana. Duit berapa. Aku hina.

Kena aku jeles? Dah lebih tiga aku mohon JPA. CGPA aku bukan tk lepas. Mungkin ada yg lebih cemerlang. I take it as a reason. But. Yang dah dapat tu, sorry to say. Kau maintain tk pointer kau? Patotnya kau perform better than I do. But? Ask yourself. Aku takdelah hebat mana, tahap ayam-II je. Sesuai la sebab aku budak pinjaman. Kau? Setiap sem dapat 6 7 ribu, kau buat ape? Beli handphone baru tiap kali model baru keluar? Tapi pointer? Kelaut jugak~ sorry to say. Sebab ape? Sebab aku jeles.

Lagi. JPA dah bagi syarat. Kalau kau dah ada tajaan, kau tak layak. TIPU! Its one of the bullshit thing I have ever heard. Why? Sebab mereka selalu menipu! Tak percaya? Orang yang aku kenal, sangat rapat! Dia dah ade biasiswa, tapi tk cukup. Tk bsersyukur mungkin. Apply JPA, dan dapat! Mungkin rezeki dia. Tapi, kenapa? Tak cukup dengan  rezeki terdahulu? Sebab apa aku kesah? Sebab aku jeles. Semua dah aku buat. Rayuan. Lecturer pon bagi surat sokongan. Bil-II perubatan ayah. Dan segalanya. Kenapa? Sebab aku tak boleh jadi bagus?

Bersyukurlah kepada sesiapa yang terasa~ Allah dah bagi peluang, rezeki. Tak semua dapat macam kau, aku contohnya. Sakit rasanya, tiap kali dikecewakan. Tak sanggup. Sehinggakan pointer yang aku maintain tiap sem jatuh. Sebab apa? Sebab kau. 

Jari Terasa Ringan Nak Menaip! :)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Assalammualaikum wbt..

lama betul tk update entry, hahaha.. well, i'm so busy laa this lately *mengalahkan Kak Rosmah* bahaha :D anyway, i'm on my longggggg holiday, seriously too long.. three months of semester break and i have nothing to do.. duduk rumah.. last week, habis practical.. if i'm not mistaken laa.. bila cuti ni, jam pukul berapa, hari ape, tarikh ape semua aku taktau.. just terperuk dalam rumah, habiskan masa baca novel on the day sampai la ke buka.. kalau anak ibu ni rajin ikutlah ibunye ke terawih.. kalau tk, marathon drama kegemaran la~ 

now, its time to think about benda yang remeh-temeh.. and guess what? i hv started to think abt those crapy things.. and itu adalah salah satu perlakuan untuk mendapat headache percuma.. yeah!! -_- serious aku pening, and sangat runsing.. kekadang aku rase, cerita aku ni lagi menarik drpd jalan cerita sebuah novel, hahaha.. perasan sangat jemah! bukan ape, tlalu rumit. its so complicated, kata omputeh.. obviously laa, my heart belongs to someone~ siapa lagi kalau bukan abang sado tu. but still, two men keep on trying to win over my heart. sorry, i just cant! i cant gv any chances to them. sebaik mana pun mereka, aku tak mampu. 

yes, aku takut kalau jalan yg aku pilih sekarang ni salah. i mean, boleh bahagia ke aku nanti? no one knows what will happen in the future. so, i decided to put my trust on him. yes, biasalah lumrah kehidupan ada turun naik.. so aku percaya, even if aku chose rezza as my someone in the future, there must be up and down. so, i will take the risks! i dont have any intention to start over something, something like love. do i need to stop loving person that i love, just to gv another one chance to be by my side? nope, i dont think so. and i know, rezza loves me as much as i love him. why? its between me and him. 

walaupun kekadang tu macam dingin, tapi biasalah kan. and i can see his improvement, dia dah pandai kawal keadaan. that what i mean! someone who can control me over something, not the one yg aku control dia. it doesnt mean that aku tk kesah di king control, but im sure. he could be a good leader for me, and for my family soon. entahlah, it just my twenty cent la. yes aku mengaku, aku tk baik mana. and aku tk rasa aku deserve to be with them. u know what i mean~ tu je kot.. daaaaa~

Teman?

Bismillahirrahmanirrhanim..

assalammualaikum..

well, hari ni.. things get better as I acted like nothing was happened. doesnt mean that aku tak ingat dengan kesalahan sendiri. no, i still remember that.. it just the feeling of being leftover. and to be honest with myself, deep down my heart i feel so hurt.. because of my roomate.. yes.. she is.. no matter how hard i tried, i cant hide my sadness.. yes, i hv made a mistake once.. but, siapa kita nak hukum org? siapa!! seriously aku sesangat terkilan.. yang amat.. she treated me so bad.. its been three days we didnt talked to each other.. i hv tried to, but she refused. no, i dont hv the idea y.. because of my mistake? then, are you God to punish me? why you cant be like others? like Maryam? perempuan baik as kawan yg paling baik pernah aku jumpa.. yes, i'm so.. terluka.. its just one thing.. aku taknak mendoakan apa-II, just hope to see you happy.. happy for treating others like they have no feeling.. thanks rummie.. it is most appreciated :')

sincerely,

Farah

Cerita Semalam..

Bismillah..

Assalammualaikum..

Tak pernah rasa seteruk ni.. Ujian.. Masalah berpunca daripada diri sendiri.. aku mengaku.. but people cant accept that, how do I make them terima? impossible kan? then, I deserved it.. its okay.. it is just, my dear sendiri tinggalkan aku sebab kan ni.. im so frustated.. i knew its gonna be happened. its so.. im crying a lot these two days.. sangat.. sakit.. but, no one knows.. they thought that i'm happy for what i hv done.. nak mintak tolong Allah, tapi malu.. perempuan hina ni baru nak ingat Tuhan? and masalah datang bertimpa-II.. i just cant avoid that.. so, no matter how hard it is i have to face it.. 

terasa diri ni taklayak.. nak bergaul, nak berkawan.. and i hv made my decision.. aku tkkan letakkan diri aku macam dulu.. sekarang dah lain.. aku dah taklayak nak bkawan dengan org-II mulia ni.. jauh sangat aku tertinggal.. ye, taklayak!! aku sedar.. and aku akan survive sendiri mulai skang.. i need to.. i need to think for my own future. now, the real life starts! i'm the one who chose the wrong way, and its really killing me.. what to do.. just face it!! kalau dulu, aku ade masalah pon aku tk kesah.. cuz i hv someone behind me.. the one who really gives all his support to me, the one who always makes me strong when i'm down..

actually, apa yg aku rasa sekarang.. dengan kesalahan aku tu.. why, some people act like~ ermmm.. why? tak boleh terima langsung aku buat camtu? terus pulaukan aku? ape ni? siapa diorang ni nak judge aku? terus letakkan aku serendh-rendah manusia? ok then, I take it as a challenge.. there is one pak ustaz bash aku n kawan aku habis-II kat fb.. betul ke cara awak nak tegur tu? betul? dengan malukan kami? thanks a lot, i hope Allah can gv u rewards for your good intention.. but, is that the right way? come on.. jahil-II aku pon takde laa sampai macam tu.. dan the rest. why? sebab hang bertudung litup? aku terbukak sekejap, hang terus pandang aku macam perempuan zaman jahiliah.. camtu?

for your information, aku ade kawan sejak sekolah.. yes, she's wearing hijab whenever she wants. but we hv never treated her like the way you all do.. seriously.. with her outfits, i guesses if she is one of us now~ i could bet that you'll dump her like a bitch!!!!

Kemengarutan di Malam Hari..

Assalammualaikum wbt..

hi yolsssss..

again, studying till late night! shut up, I deserved to be like this. study in the very last minute, padahal ade banyak masa for revision. and I chose this way, padan muka kalau tk dapat jawab. huh :3 and the last post, about pathology test. and abviously, I studied for the same subject tonight but for the third test.. yes, THIRD TEST guys.. well, UPM stands for Universiti Peperiksaan Malaysia.. sangat banyak exam.. if it possible I guess, they will do the test for each consecutive weeks.. and its happening to my course, we got papers each weeks. congrats congrats!

its not about test alone, its about last friday, last saturday, upcoming thursday and upcoming sunday.. wow, so many plans huh? nope.. jumaat lepas, birthday abang saiful and the next day birthday ayah.. this coming thursday, birthday buah hati :D and...... guess what, tak dapat nak celebrate cause I have a paper that day.. bravo! *how did I stuck in this world?* plus, start from tomorrow I will have no much time to spend with him. every night till sunday, got dance practice. yes, ahad dah competition.. please pray for our victory :) excited and takut..

and now, i have so many plans to prepare the birthday present. but, got no money, time and everything.. how!!!!! why!!! can we just postpone his birthday to any other day please?? at least right after the competition and test thingy!! arghhhh I'm stressed -_- actually.. its ok.. nevermind. and now, I'm gonna talk about someone.. its not about my feeling itself, its just how hurt I am. why do people treat others differently? depending on their attire or what? kalau aku ni tak labuh tudung, nape pandang aku jijik sangat? yes, jijik.. why??? hampa baik sangat ye? I know, aku memang tak baik, but at least.. tak boleh ke layan semua orang sama rata? just curious.. no offense..

goodnight world, nak tido.. ngantuk sangat dah.. assalam